Just Because {the blog}

plums.

2012-02-08T17:28:00.001-08:00

my oldest two have a serious issue with taking fruit. They take 1 bite, then leave it some where random. Sawyer without a doubt finds said fruit within minutes and will eat the whole darned thing! A few days ago he ate TWO plums. Today, he put an entire apple down. I had to take away the core. He got mad at me.

I posted these on FB, then realized FB ruins pictures and had to post them here for clarity! <3

Week 5 Snuggle.

2012-02-08T16:51:00.000-08:00

Darin was an easy teether, way easy... TOO easy. He got cranky 1 day, and then the next day he had two more teeth. No fevers, not a lot of drool, just 1 day of cranky then bam teeth. Callen I didn't even want the crankies, so he's worn an amber necklace his entire life. Sawyer I did the same thing, except he had to have xray a few weeks back when he was battling the same stinkin' cold for weeks on end. I had to take his necklace off, and now it's missing. I probably left in on the xray table. But I can't find it. Who knows where it is.

He's probably just an "average" teether, but dang it's hard! He's feverish, cranky and clingy! And the poor thing doesn't hold on. Between 22 and 25 lbs of 11.5 month old who won't hold on! That's a lot on a momma's arm! So ring sling it is. This ring sling was made for me by Misty, and it's taken the place of woven wraps around here. The ease in which I can put Callen or Sawyer on is remarkable. This thing needs to be bronzed when I'm done with it. I LOVE it. Although, I don't currently have a woven wrap here in NC.... maybe I should go by the fabric store and try it out. ...

Regardless of any of that. Here's week 5, Snuggle.

Week 4 {blessed}

2012-01-29T10:19:00.000-08:00

Week 4 ::blessed::

FOUR weeks, and I've managed it. Woo Woo. Only 48 more to go! And I can handle that. I did it four weeks in a row!! Now, I haven't posted on time, but really, I can't promise that. And nor did I ever, so I'm good with it. As long as I have these captures for my personal use.

I actually took this yesterday. We've been doing so much this week. Having fun, and getting out of the house. It's been heavenly. The boys get worn out, and well so do I, but it's been a blast! Seems like my life changes are getting things done!

I'm learning to balance naptime, between napping, editing/posting, and my Norwex business. So far, so good.

Yesterday, we played and had a ball. I had seen on Pinterest (see the original posting of it here). Darin did it, with hardly any issues (other than it bored him, so then he started being bored, and well, bored 3 year old=scary!) so I thought I'd let Callen do it. But if you give one kid a strainer, you kind of have to give all kids a strainer. Luckily, my mom has 3 (well, 4 but I kept one hidden). It was a joy watching what they could do with just a strainer. The ideas, they came up with. Such a blessing.

week 3.

2012-01-26T12:55:00.000-08:00

three ::chill

Week 3 was pretty much a relaxing week for us. Not much activity, not much of anything, just relaxing.

I love the light in my mom's house. It's absolutely gorgeous! this is downstairs (on the stairs, using the light from a window behind me)

flames of fascination.

2012-01-26T12:21:00.000-08:00

my brother in law (kenny...also known as "untle tenny")is a firefighter here in my home town. So a few nights ago, my sister was hanging out with us while he was away at work. Before the boys went to bed for evening, we asked if we could pop in and see the firetrucks. Callen had never seen them "up close & personal" and with his new "tuck" fascination (everything with wheels is a "tuck" unless it's a "hello-cocter" or an "ospay").

Let's just say, he was MORE than thrilled and almost impossible to keep up with as he wandered around the "tucks". Darin was also in love, but more with his Uncle Kenny then anything. Anytime my sister comes over, he immediately asks for Kenny!

^The firefighters all joke with kids (like on school tours and such) that they have a pet alligator and this is his cage, so he was showing my two their "pet alligator"

^^The closest I got to a picture of the two of them there together.

And a few details that caught my eye.

^This is a wall full of patches from anywhere and everywhere. On the right, is a town called Cleburne. My great grandfather was from there. It's fun to see the name and actually know the place.

week 2.

2012-01-26T12:13:00.000-08:00

even without the consistency of blogging, I am being consistent about my weekly images. Not staged, just real, but still us being us. (not that I won't be staging pictures, because trust me I am).

::Week 2:: Fresh

The room Sawyer and I share (he is not sleeping as long as he previously was in SD, and it's easier for him to be in my room, instead of upstairs on the other side of the house) has 2 windows, the start at my hip and go up almost to the ceiling. They are in a corner, one on either side, but neither one of them really wide.

On a good sunny day, the mornings let beautiful light into our room. Most mornings, out of sheer laziness, Sawyer joins me in bed until I hear the pitter patter of other feet who have awoken for the day. On this particular day (January 13th), the light was too beautiful to not attempt to capture the wonder of little man's blue eyes.

It also just so happened to be his 11 month birthday. I cannot believe that in just a few weeks, he'll be a year old! Where has time flown too?

last of the firsts.

2012-01-26T11:46:00.000-08:00

There are some things that don't hit me until they happen... and then I realize that they won't ever happen again.

We're done having children. Not a big surprise to anyone, considering that with all 3 of my pregnancies I had emergency surgery (2 emergency c-sections, 1 emergency oopharectomy-removal of my ovary) and the last emergency c-section was partially caused by the fact that my uterus was about to split open....and well let's face it, 3 in 3 years in crazy. Fun, amazing...but still crazy.

I had an awakening moment yesterday. Sawyer has this new fascination with all things cuddle-y blankets. Like attacks them, rolls onto the floor and cuddles with them. It's pretty fabulous. And I remembered that at this age, Callen fell in love with all things cuddle-y blankets.... then I remembered WHY. Oh yeah, cuz when Callen was this age, I was bringing a newborn home from the NICU! Say what?!?

So back to the last of the firsts. Sawyer got his first hair cut when Matt was in town. He did Darin & Callen's hair first, then did Sawyer's. Sawyer's went best, fastest and easiest!

Photographs courtesy of my brother.

It's weird to think about for me. I will never again have experience the giving of a first hair cut. I see little shoes, and think "I'll never have someone fit a pair of those again!" Not in a sad way, I'm more than content and more than in love with our family just the way it is. It's not a sad thing for me, just more of a "wow" kind of mentality.. if that makes sense.

not dead. just living.

2012-01-25T12:08:00.001-08:00

I was going to just type "I'm not dead, just not blogging until the better computer is fixed" but then I looked at my post count and THIS is post 200. And 200 posts deserves something more than "I suck at blogging..." because if I've posted 200 times, I must not suck THAT bad.

Darin is at his first sleepover with friends. He's slept at my sister's house without me, at my mom's house, and at my in laws house, but never at a FRIEND'S house.... Crazy. The other 2 are napping, which means I have a spare moment, which is rare now a days.

I've been making some changes in life. And it's kind of spectatular that I have a moment to tell you about them.

I'm being here. I'm not blogging, and I'm not dead, I'm just LIVING. Experiencing my kids, hiding the iPod touch from myself, only texting when texted and living life as it is. And you wanna know what?

my kids are behaving better.

I sleep better at night.

I get up in the morning and read my Bible.

I've been having fewer anxiety attacks, and not been as stressed.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, because come 6pm, there have been several nights I've wanted to drink...heavily. (Just being honest). We're also only a few days into the changes, but I FEEL better.

I still am going to blog, and I"m still going to take pictures and I'm still selling Norwex. I'm just being a better mom first. At the end of the day, no one cares how many beautiful pictures I've posted, or that this is my 200th blog post, or that I just had a $503 Norwex show where I made $175 in under 3 hours. Because that's not what matters.

At the end of the day, the snuggles, the I love yous, and the slobbery kisses are really what matter most. And I'm going to enjoy every tiny second of it.

::deep breathe:: sigh::

Take a whiff. Life is amazing.

::in other news-- i'm downloading the 30 day trial of CS5 onto my brother's computer, so that I can edit on the same computer that has internet....

Matt made it to CA. Went to get us on the housing list, and turns out Sawyer wasn't listed as his kid (or at all). Got that fixed the next day and now we have to wait 5-7 days for the computers to update. We'll know more about when the boys and I (and my mom) will drive to CA next week.

3rd times a charm.

2012-01-08T13:02:00.000-08:00

Okay. so I'm not much on resolutions normally. I fail at them.... often. But I did have a few things that I wanted to do this year, and I'm going to give it a try.

1. Lose 7 lbs, and fit comfortably into the jeans I purchased after I had Sawyer (no seriously, I've gotten too heavy to wear jeans I was wearing a MONTH after I had Sawyer... how does that make sense?!) And here's a nasty confession:: I still wear a belly band. I can button my pants (not my post Sawyer ones, but others) but I feel like the belly band smooths things so I don't look completely terrible. I'm embarrassed that I just wrote that.

2. run.

3. get caught up on printing pictures.

4. Daily Bible time; do it more often!

5. Photography Project...complete one! So, here we are... right here. Week 1. I'm not brave enough to attempt a 365, but 52 weeks doesn't seem impossible. So, 1 down 51 to go. My own themes, my own life.
I've already named it:

52 weeks called Life.

So, week 1.

Together

Even in the midst of more ER trips (that's 5:: 4 for Sawyer, 1 Callen and 1 for Darin...) and still not being healthy, cutting more teeth (he really wants some steak, that Sawyer), dealing with the thoughts that daddy leaves next week and we're not sure how long it'll be til' we see him, and just being everyday life. We were together. A family, one unit, us.

"puppies"

2012-01-07T05:49:00.000-08:00

Callen has normally been a man of few words, but as with everything else in our life, that is changing. His arsenal is still pretty limited, but with teaching him more and more signs, and his growing vocabulary, we can communicate decently... as well as you can communicate with a not even 2 year old boy.

Well, Wednesday we went to Wilmington. Matt has a great aunt (she is/was married to Matt's grandfather's brother who passed away before Matt and I got married) that lives down there. They moved there years ago, and after he passed, she stayed. So anytime we're in town or close by, we visit. Being as the rest of the family is in Minnesota, I know it blesses her to see family.
Wednesday, our little family and my brother headed down for lunch and then a visit to the Fort Fisher Aquarium. It was a blast. Unfortunately, Auntie Lorraine did not want her picture taken, and when she is determined not to be captured by the camera, she can be quite stealthy. The rest of us however, did get in some shots :P

Callen had a BLAST. I taught him the sign for fish, and said it over and over (and over and over) trying to get him to repeat after me, but alas, it was not working and we went to the aquarium to look at the "puppies" (while signing fish).

new year.

2012-01-06T20:50:00.000-08:00

new year, new goals, fresh starts.

I love New Years. Not as much as I love Christmas or the 4th of July, but it's number 4 on my list of favorite holidays (after Easter). I like the idea of a fresh clean slate, like in the old days when we used chalk boards at school, and the teacher would wipe it off with a wet rag so it was all dark green, and not chalky.

We had a speaker at church on Sunday, who spoke on the analogy that we need to be like pencils. He handed a brand new, unsharpened pencil to everyone, and then explained it more in depth. The most important part of the pencil is the inside. Without the inside, it's nothing. Pencils are only effective if sharpened (daily prayer time and Bible reading sharpen us!), the end result is determined by who is handling the pencil. Hitler could hold the same pencil as Ghandi, and you're gonna get 2 completely different things... And last but not least, pencils have erasers. God gives us multiple opportunities, and just because we feel like we screwed up and missed the window, doesn't mean it's over for us. God has more than 1 window!!!

I needed to hear it. Maybe you did too.

Matt is here in NC with us, and I'm so thankful to wake up next to him (or hear him in the kitchen when I wake up....) every morning. We've had a lot of fun, and I'll have more pictures later, I'm still finding a balance here in NC. When I can edit, and post, and still having fun making memories.

These were all shot on New Years Eve. We picked Matt up from the Wilmington airport, got lunch and then visited the Wrightsville Beach Pier before we came back to Jacksonville. Matt and I got engaged on the end of that pier, on Valentine's Day 2004. It was ridiculously cold, rainy and windy. I complained the entire length of the pier, and then all of sudden none of our surroundings mattered any more. <3 The 3 shots, of Matt and I, my sister and her husband, and my brother are all SOOC, just resized and sharpened for web viewing.

When we got home, we played with sparklers with the boys, got them in bed and relaxed by the fire out back until midnight. Low key and quiet, just the way I like it.

NC so far.

2011-12-29T09:24:00.000-08:00

The boys and I have been in NC for 2 weeks and 4 days. Matt comes in 2. We miss him terribly. I know one day we'll face a deployment again, and that I have friends that are in the midst of year long deployments, and yet 2 weeks and 4 days feels so terribly long! (I know, you can roll your eyes, I'm okay with that. I'm feeling dramatic.)

So far in the past 3 weeks, we have:

driven more miles than I care to recount.
seen my favorite fake Aunt Shelly (who is really just my Aunt Shelly, fake sounds weird)
visted 2 ERs 3 times (oh yes... to be the mom of 3 rough and tumble-y boys!)
had the most awesome church christmas dinner followed by an amazing jam session in my parents living room
eaten mexican food 2 times
let Darin & Callen run til' they can't in the backyard
celebrated the birth of an amazing Saviour who has changed my life in radical ways.
gained 5 very unwanted pounds (putting me at my heaviest non-pregnant weight, since high school. hello depressing fact. I think I need some wine now.)
watched Santa Claus fly in on a V-22 Osprey (reindeer are old school)
and
sooo much more that I'm sure I'm forgetting, so I'll just show you pictures now.

That's all for now. Will update again soon.

ToT.

2011-12-06T09:42:00.000-08:00

1. It's been a while. I wish I had an excuse, but all I've been is lazy, so well... it happens, huh?

2. I took pictures of the boys today. A friend and her husband came over this past weekend, and chopped my gray seamless in half. They're my heroes. Nearly 3 years ago, I purchased it when I got my background stand, but ordered the amazingly long one and not the short one that I really needed. And we don't own a circular saw to cut it in half, and it just never worked out to get someone to do it, until this past weekend. It makes my heart happy.

3.

4.

5.My mom is here, and to say she got here just in time, is an understatement.

6. Darin was sick on Sunday, like so dehydrated, I had to take him to the ER for fluids and zofran. When they put the IV in his hand, he didn't move, barely whimpered. No tears. It scared me. His blood sugar was "scary low" according to the doctor. They let him rest and have 2 popsicles and a red jello. They tested his blood sugar again, and it was perfect. He screamed when they pricked his finger. It made the nurse (who is a Navy corpsman in the reserves) laugh. This huge IV in his arm, and a blood sugar prick made him scream. He's fine now.

7. The sickies have made their way through the family. We're all on the upside. Back to packing, since we leave soon. Like REALLY soon.

8. We got a new washer machine. our old one crapped out. We paid $300 for it and the dryer, was gonna cost $200 to repair it, and the repairman said he didn't think it'd last more than 18 months more. Matt went and got a new one.

9. Had my hair colored last night, I'm back to being a dark red head. I love it. I think I was supposed to be born with red hair. <3 It makes me happy. 10.

seasons.

2011-11-27T15:02:00.000-08:00

TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven: time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted,

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

If I've learned anything in my 18 months in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, it's that verse right there. Recruiting duty has been a long, sometimes strenuous season. Not always fun, but not bad either. We're coming to the end of our stay here in South Dakota, and exactly 7, I'll be on my way to North Carolina where the boys and I will wait for a house to open up for us in California. It seems so crazy to me.

3 years ago, we were packing our (unsold) house in North Carolina, and making a huge move to Brainerd, MN. With 1 son, a 9 month old baby named Darin. We leave recruiting duty, a family of 5, with 3 little boys, Darin (nearly 4), Callen (nearly 2) and Sawyer (who will be 10 whole months in just a few weeks!). Our family has grown in numbers, but has also been worked, stretched and tested, and we have grown in other ways too.

When we lived in Minnesota, our church attendance was spotty (to put it nicely). Matt worked 6, most of the time 7 days a week. So when Sunday morning rolled around, we stayed in bed, we made pancakes, we spent time as a family. I don't think there was anything wrong with it, and if I could go back, I'd snuggle in deeper, and eat more pancakes (banana pancakes, mmmmm). But our church attendance lacked, and we left, very spiritually dry. Luckily for us, our Pastors in Minnesota were loving and kind, and before we left told us about their friends in Sioux Falls that had this church. Matt and I put a mental pin in it, and off to Sioux Falls we went. Since Matt was back to working 5 day weeks (1 6 day week per month), we knew that we needed to make an effort to get ourselves into a church every weekend. Learn, glean, tithe, be planted, grow.

The first Sunday we were in town, our butts landed in the back row at Faith Family Church. We dropped Darin off at a class specifically for toddlers, and kept little 4 month old Callen with us. We were greeted by multiple people, and made small talk when we needed to. And then worship started, I cried. Then the Pastor got up and spoke about tithing, giving, and the churches building fund. This particular Sunday was specifically about giving, and giving towards the church building fund, and after church there was picnic on the back parking lot. After church, we got into the car, and started to drive off. I told Matt "We should probably go 2 Sundays in a row, before I say this, but I want to go there for good. I don't want to go anywhere else". So we did, again and again and again. We got planted, Matt joined the team of ushers, I joined Moms of Tots (which totally saved my sanity once a week on Fridays!). This past spring, a Weave and Chat knit night started up, and I was blessed by that as well. I'm not sure I can truly explain how blessed we've been by FFC. In fact, I know I can't.

Jan/Feb were hard months for us, to say the least. Matt had to get glasses, then was diagnosed a type 1 diabetic, then hurt his back and after 1 failed trip to the doctor and 1 failed trip to the ER was still in massive pain as I drove myself to the ER for some terribly pain in my abdomen. 24 hours later, I was watching our newborn son in the NICU with tubes in his throat, needles in his veins and more monitors than I can remember. All of this for a baby born just 12 hours before he would of been considered full term. It was later decided he was sick when he was inside of me, the infections came from inside, which is why his heart rate spiked like it did, and why we got him out, but that's really neither here nor there. Matt's mom spent several days with Matt, watching the boys, and gathering everything they might need. Ladies from church were visiting, going with me to see Sawyer in the NICU, praying over him, and over my family. My mom and brother arrived, and in the scariest time where I should of been full of fear and anger and sadness, I had never felt more lifted up. I had scriptures hanging all around Sawyer's NICU room. I was reading scriptures over him, and every time I read a healing confession, within an hour something positive was happening. Upon arriving home (9 days later), I found Matt in unbearable pain. Another failed trip to the ER, and a epidural shot had done nothing. His blood sugars were ridiculously high, and he was barely eating anything. I made some phone calls (seriously, less than half an hour after arriving home from 9 days in the NICU my overly hormonal just spent 9 days in the NICU self was calling his doctors. Apparently, that was all we needed. We got him in to see a neurologist the next day, and 2 days after that he was having minor back surgery. To say it was a rough month of February, would be an understatement. Whenever I actually write what happened, I cry and laughn at the same time, It's only because of God that we survived. Seriously, it was hard, and yet we came through with flying colors. We were not only surviving, but thriving!

When we first came to South Dakota, I really really questioned God. I mean, this is SOUTH DAKOTA. Who actually lives there? (No offense, it just really wasn't a place I imagined living). Godly, loving, people live here. People who have changed our lives, taught us how to live spiritually grounded as a family, speaking God's word over everything. Kids misbehaving? Speak the word into them! I can't begin to tell you how many times a day I say "Darin/Callen/Sawyer, you are a child of God, and you are called to obedience!" (it works too!) Snotty nose?! Jesus didn't just die on the cross for cancer patients! He died for my snotty nose babies too! We learned more about tithing and giving. Things we knew from before, but we've been able to learn more and as a family. Each of the boys are in their own classes where they sit and learn about the word of God on a level that speaks to them.

This Sunday is my last Sunday at Faith Family. I'm fairly certain there will be tears on my part. I'm leaving family here in South Dakota. People who I love and cherish, and will miss immensely. I'm excited for our journey, but sad to see Sioux Falls in our rear view mirror.

236

2011-11-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

This video is the best one I've seen....and I've seen my share. This is the 2011 Birthday Message from the Comandant and Sgt. Major of the Marine Corps. It's about 12 minutes long, but SOOOO worth it.

I've never NOT known life in the Marine Corps. It's always been in my life... always. In 25 years, I've been not directly related to an active duty Marine for 11 days. My dad retired November 1, 2005. I got a retired dependants ID card. On November 12, 2005, I married my amazing husband, and (a week or two later) got a spouses ID card.

If I'm going to be ridiculously completely honest, life outside of the Marine scares the crap out of me. Back in Feb, when we were just finding out about Matt's diabetes, and started doing research, it was nearly impossible to find any information that said he could actually stay in the Marine Corps. Praise God for miracles, and for the things that he has allowed us to do. Matt just reenlisted, for another 4 years. We say that we take it one enlistment at a time, but when we talk about the big picture, it includes Matt retiring from the Marine Corps with at least 20 years in... Sometimes our conversations take us to 30 years, and I'm okay with that.

These past 3 years, we've been on recruiting duty. Matt's job was to grow the Marine Corps. Recruit the best of the best. And it's been stressful, to say the least. A feeling of being alone in the middle of nowhere. And I'm not sure how to relate it to civilian terms... I'm not sure what it compares to. I'm sure it does to something, but I just dont' know. When you're a part of the Marine Corps (and probably any other branch, I don't know.. I'm a Marine girl), whether you are the Marine or the dependant, you are apart of the Marine Corps family. And on recruiting duty, you're shoved into a civilian community where you miss your family. We were near our blood family, living just a few blocks from Matt's parents for 18 months of recruiting. But we still longed for our Marine Corps family. The sense of security you get from being a part of the family. It's what we get excited about the most in moving to 29 Palms.

I'm beyond grateful for the Marine Corps. For what it's provided in my life. A sense of security (after living in the civilian world, and watching what the economy is doing to places, and jobs and families, job security is amazing), food on our table each night, a roof over our head, fire in the fireplace, air in the air conditioner, and a family. We have 2 families. We have our family made up of our moms and dad, brothers, sisters, neiceS, and nephews. And then we have our family made up of brothers and sisters in arms, brothers and sisters who love our brothers in arms.

Matt and I went this last weekend to the RS Twin Cities Marine Corps Birthday Ball. The ceremony was beautiful (as always), and then after dinner, we had the privledge of watching 2 Marines retire. I can't imagine a grander stage to retire. To see the commitment, to hear stories of commitment and to see the pride in the faces of their blood families, was incredibly moving. I saw a table, covered in black. With a lone candle, a turned plate and a turned glass. I saw the commitment of every Marine present. We live in a time of war, I know every single Marine in the room had a name, a face, a brother in mind as they passed that table. It's not just a table, it's a reminder of how blessed we truly are, a reminder of why we get to do the things we do.

The Marine Corps means the world to me. Deployments suck, recruiting duty sucks, moving away from family and friends sucks, but they've provided us the opportunity to show our kids so much. To teach them things that they wouldn't get being raised in one house, in one city, in one place. So we move, we teach, we learn, we grow. And we embrace the beauty that the Marine Corps presents us with.

Happy 236th Birthday Marine Corps. It's an honor to be a part of something so beautiful. And I love my 2 Marines and my 1 soon to be Marine so grandly. I am so proud of you guys and the commitment you have made to your country and to your brothers.

And some pictures of my Marines.

ignore my rough state ^This was me at 430am (ish) 10 weeks pregnant, very sick with a husband who was deploying :P

Oh, sweet boy.

2011-11-09T12:26:00.001-08:00

This is a post about my sweet sweet Callen man. I'll be working through posts about each babe individually. Just because I can :-)

Callen is such a sweet heart. He's most definitely my sensitive child, no doubts about it! He's the first to snuggle if I'm upset, he's the first to need to be snuggled when he's sick, tired, grumpy... you name the emotion, he thinks it's the perfect excuse to snuggle..and considering Sawyer is already outgrown his snuggly stage, I take my cuddles as often as I can.

I'm figuring out that each of my babies is so completely different, and learning to work with what I know about each one. For instance, Darin needs discipline in a different fashion then Callen. (He also needs it more often).

He makes the most beautiful faces. When he's in trouble, he has the sweetest puppy dog face ever. Speaking of puppies, it's his favorite animal. He loves to "woof" like a puppy.

Today at McDonalds (it's too cold to go to the park, as it's in the 30s and low 40s, alll the time, so we go play at the playplace), he went in so bravely... climbing, climbing, climbing... Then all I hear is his poor help me voice. It's this whine that in tone alone says "I need help!!" So up big brother went to rescue him. When he finally came down the slide, you would of thought he had been hung up by his toes and tortured. So we snuggled and ate some chicken nuggets. Then he got up and went off playing. I coaxed him back into the gym tubes and into the little red car that floats... Then he was fine.. I think he may be afraid of heights...

He's also my least graceful child (so far). But since he got his finger stuck in the shower drain, I'm gonna guess you knew that. I can't tell you how many fat lips he's had from running into the coffee table, and I'm certain there is a permanent bruise on his forehead from chairs, tables and walls...because you know those walls are violent. I apologize to him on a regular basis, because unfortunately, he got that from me. LOL.

He's such an awesome kid. Still naps for 2-3 hours a day, and sleeps for 12-13 hours a night. Now if his brothers could learn to do the same, I'd be golden!!!

I'm so in awe and so in love with Callen. My snuggle monkey, my sweet boogerhead Hamilton (if I call another one of my kids boogerhead, Callen starts crying. That's a him only nickname).

half tot.

2011-11-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

1. This is a half tot. pictureless. TOT is ten on tuesday, and I am out of creativeness and have no pictures because of computer issues, sooooo you get a half tot. That's 5. :P

2. my mom freakin' rocks. she called shortly after reading my last, slightly crazed blog. she helped me figure out a plan, and now I dont' feel as crazed.

3. I took some of my favorite pictures with my kids ever at the hotel on Friday. Yet, I can't show them yet, because of computer issues. that I'm work on resolving.

4. I'm having a NIECE!! My Sister in law is pregnant with a girl!!!!! She and I were pregnant at the same time with Callen and her son, R. There are 4 boys, 3 of whom are married. The older brother,N, has 1 daughter, and 2 sons. Then Matt has 3 boys, and L (Matt's twin) has 1 boy and now a girl!!! The Hamilton's have been on a boy run for the past 6 babies!! Now it's time for some more pink and ruffles!!

5. I finally get to use my favorite girly knitting patterns.

ramblings.

2011-11-07T06:26:00.000-08:00

This is in bullet point form, because I like it better that way.

The boys and I leave for NC in a month. That fact, both thrills me and stresses me out.

When the boys and I leave, we won't be returning to Sioux Falls. Which means that I'm leaving TMO up to Matt.

I'm a tad more OCD (or CDO, if you will, since the letters would then be alphabetical order) about lists, and labeling then Matt is.

I'm trying to figure out how the rooms can be labeled, before I leave.

I'm heavily considering taping paper labels to the doors and telling Matt not to take them down. I'm not sure he'd listen.

I just might do it though.

I also plan on having the boys room deconstructed when we leave. Sheets will be washed & folded, and everything off the walls.

When I tape up the paper to the doors, I might also include baggies so I know screws won't get lost. But what if they don't put the screw bags in the same box?

I told you, I'm OCD and moving is only making it worse.

I think that's it for now. I don't know why, but the whole moving thing totally hit me HARD today...

headshots.

2011-11-02T00:01:00.000-07:00

Darin is my little deal maker. Tit for tat, if you will. I'll let you shoot me, if you let me shoot you. He always ends up with a lot more shots of me, than I do of him, but I actually get decent ones of him and myself, so I call it even. :P I rarely enjoy seeing myself in pictures, and he makes that far more enjoyable.

and my goofy face. I've been making it for years. It's no wonder my boys can do it too :P

Ten.

2011-11-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

1. I protested the newest 3 episodes (1,2 and 3) of Star Wars for a very long time....because they weren't the originals (4,5,and 6). Turns out, they're really enjoyable.

2. We're Star Wars nerds at our house. Darin, Matt and myself. Darin LOVES the "glow swords". I kind of have to agree.

3. I have 3 children who can climb stairs.... I have 2 children who can go down them.

4. Darin is such a creative little man. He loves to take pictures (and draw and use red acryllic paint on his old bedroom carpet.... or dump glitter from my craft drawers onto the closet floor... or well, you get the picture). Luckily for me, his creative side did this:

5. I shot her family this weekend:

6. This is my favorite from last weekends shoot:

7. This makes me smile and tear up all at the same time. It's the last wearing of the Shark.
Click here and here to see the past two.

8. A failed yet still fabulous (to me) attempt at a picture of all 3 boys.

9. I have a thing for matching. I can't help it, it's in me somewhere. LOL. So our halloween costumes looked like this, this year :P Next year, we'll probably let Darin pick, and I know that a time will come, when matching goes out the window because all 3 boys will want to be 3 different things, but for now, I get to match!

10. There are no words for our ridiculous happy these make me.

brothers.

2011-10-27T14:47:00.000-07:00

just this past Sunday, I shot of family of 5. 2 boys and a girl. The boys were 8 and 6, just about the same distance apart as Darin & Callen (the girl, is actually just 2 days older than Callen and a complete doll, but I'm not talking 'bout sisters today :P)

These two made me giggle so much! I had so much fun watching them interact and seeing their personalities. Gives me so much to look forward to in the next 5 years!

the nearly pictureless trip.

2011-10-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

I took not nearly enough pictures of our last trip to Minnesota. But there's always Thanksgiving, I'm expecting a FULL Hamilton family portrait. End of conversation :P

Here's what I do have!

New favorite picture of myself. Settings by me, button pushing by Meg (my 9 year old neice)

Rachel, Riley & Myself.

Mr. I get into everything.

and the D meister.

and a snuggly Callen playing with Grandma.

Not nearly enough pictures for such a fun week!

random

2011-10-17T06:02:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update:

I'm in MN. Snapping away and having a BLAST.

My neice snapped my favorite recent picture of me the other day, with my Brownie Hawkeye. (I did the settings, she pressed the button... I then had to force the camera out of her hand. Her composition isn't bad at all. She's also a musician, so I think the creative blood just flows through her :P)

I have no pictures for here, because I have no laptop and I shoot RAW. I'm tempted to switch to JPEG, and just post unedited. Editing is just work anyway :P Although, there is a few really great pictures of me (taken by said creative neice) and the way my sweater is falling makes me look knocked up, which I am not...What's saddest, is I look more knocked up than my sister in law who actually IS knocked up....) So those are gonna wait til' I can crop them...

Because of the pictures I did a few weeks ago for Megan, I have another shoot on Sunday!!! I'm excited. So, those will be coming next week too.

T Family {Portfolio Building Session)

2011-10-12T18:09:00.000-07:00

If you're in Sioux Falls, SD (or next week, in Brainerd MN), I'd LOVE to capture your family!

I met this family last June when we moved to MN. I'm pretty sure Megan was one of the first people to introduce herself to me at church, and I'll be forever grateful for her friendship. Her family is amazing, and beautiful both inside and out! I can't even begin to tell you how much fun I had with them on Sunday night.

I can't get over all the gorgeousness that was happening! Now instead of blabbing on some more, I'll just give ya the good stuff.

How gorgeous is she?!?!?! I hope these turn out to be her favorites of herself!

and this little one?! Seriously with the pretties?! aye aye aye! Dad has his hands full!! 3 girls all this gorgeous?

Yep.

and this little man?! He's awesome. He and Darin played a lot last year at Moms of Tots. We miss him, now that he's in Kindergarten!

I won't lie, this one just makes me giggle. Poor girl wasn't having it. Luckily, we still got a bunch of her being her smiley and fun self!

LOVE

2011-10-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

What does Saturday look like?

2011-10-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

What do your Saturdays look like?

Mine look like fun.

Flying, Soaring through the air.

Laughing so hard that it is simply uncontrollable.
L
Quality time with daddy.

and frosted with man boobs.

My Saturdays are amazing. I love Saturday.

(All shots from Canon 30D, with Sigma28-70. Not the greatest quality. I picked up the Canon and almost couldn't remember what I was doing! LOL. Either way, it caught the moment, and that is all that matters).

Take a deep breath, brain dump.

2011-10-08T17:18:00.000-07:00

Count to ten. Look on the positive side.... and all those other fun things you say to people to help them feel better.

Okay, so basically, I've taken a step back. I still feel like something is wrong, but we're just going to slowly figure things out. We'll see the doctor on Tuesday. Darin apparently eats more than I was thinking he eats. The problem is he eats a lot of carbs and a lot of sugar. None of which are good with our family genes (from EITHER side of the diabetic gene pool!) so I'll still be requesting a referral to a nutrionist. I'm also going to start phasing out sugar. Which is scary. But I think if I plug in honey that I can come up with a lot of the same things. (DIANA, any tips?!?)

I cant' seem to convince Matt to get the TV out of Darin's room. So, I've got to come with another plan to help the sleep issues. We're going on 2 weeks of a toddler in our queen sized bed. And for some reason, he sleeps like a maniac, which means very little sleep for mommy or daddy. Soooo, yeah. Praise God that Sawyer has finally started sleeping through the night.

I had someone point out that perhaps Darin needs more stimulation. And it is a genius idea. Now I'm on a mission to find CHEAP (read:: FREE) means of entertainment for him. He definitely needs to be moving during the day. Oh, and it's fall here, which means winter is weeks away, so inside ideas would be good too please!!

Also, I don't think Darin is ADHD or ADD. I was (and still am) considering the diet. Which has no drugs, and would most likely end up being beneficial to the family as a whole. Just for clarity. Going back to read what I read, it did seem as if I was trying to diagnose him with a attention deficit problem and while he has attention problems, he's also a 3 year old boy.

This fall is a time for travel for our family. I went to Kansas City, Missouri back in September. So the pictures I'm going to post are from that trip. And this week we'll be headed to Minnesota.

I've already confessed to two people who I had told that I didn't want to shoot film, so I might as well confess to ya'll too, since I've said it before. I don't know if I want to shoot film professionally. I don't know. But I do want to learn to shoot film. Something about it is so intriguing. I love the depth in the black and white. I love the brightness, and everything about color. And dang it, I'm gonna learn. I'm praying my father in law will let me borrow, play with and possible buy (or have, would be nice!) his old film Minolta. He showed it to me once, so maybe I can at least play?

Hows that for a brain dump?

mommy gut.

2011-10-07T05:57:00.000-07:00

Something is wrong with Darin. What I haven't figured out, but something is wrong. I hate that feeling. He has an appointment on Tuesday, but I'm wondering if I don't need to try to get him in soner. Maybe I'll just track what happens between now and then and have a journal of sorts to give to the doctor? That sounds positive, I think I'll do that. Those words came to me as I was typing, so I'm going to believe it was the Holy Spirit leading me. Now I just need to get my journal in check. I'll explain to you whats happening, you don't have to come up with an answer, I'm just trying to get it out there. Matt thinks I'm being silly, that it's nothing serious or bad and that he's just not sleeping, but I'm having a very hard time believing that. My mommy gut is screaming that something just isn't right.

It started 2 weeks ago? I thought it was the movies Darin was watching (movies he chose like: Goosebumps and Ernest Scared Stupid. Eragon, and Avatar. He's obsessed with monsters/ghosts, dragons and dinosaurs. Which is fine, if he was watching something decent like Scooby Doo or VeggieTales "Where is God when I'm Scared", but I thought for sure it was these movies keeping him up because his body and brain didn't know how to process them. Then he stared watching DragonTales (from PBS) and the Power Rangers I grew up watching from the 90s. Cheesy, yes, but scary, no. The sleep problems are still happening and my mommy gut screams "SOMETHING'S WRONG!"

The child doesn't sleep. He goes to bed at 7, but stays awake (watching a movie or a show) until 10 or 10:30 a lot of nights before he's asleep. Then he was waking up at 5 when Matt got up to get ready. This entire week, he's been in our bed between 3 and 4. {It's not a growth spurt or growing pains. He doesn't cry when he wakes up. He wakes up as if his body is fully rested and he needs no more sleep.}

Yesterday he broke into a bottle of children's acetamenaphin (tylenol, the walmart brand). I had given him some before resttime, in hopes it might calm him or something. What I don't know, but he was feeling warm and well, he's running on NO sleep and he eats hardly anything all day long, so I was sure he just needed something to help him fall asleep. Well, during naptime, he snuck upstairs and drank HALF A BOTTLE (maybe less, but that's the maximum. Which according to Poison Control is what we have to go on, just in case). He wasn't allowed to have any more tylenol for 12 hours, but he's gonna be fine. He crashed and crashed hard around 5:15. I thought for sure he would sleep through the night. With what we've labeled the "overdose" and the lack of sleep for over a week and a half, we thought for sure, he'd wake up around 6 or 7. Until 11:11 last night. Yep. A week and ahalf of no sleep, and half a bottle of tylenol and he slept barely 6 hours. REALLY?!?!?!

I layed with him, he was ridiculously mad at me for not putting on a "boovie" but that wasn't happening. He wanted water, so I got him a sippy cup. He didn't want the cup I got him, he wanted a dinosaur cup. His dinosaur cup didn't have a head (where did that thing go?!), then he told me it tasted like bathroom water, and he wanted kitchen water (it WAS kitchen water, just to clarity). Then he wanted daddy. I got daddy, he wanted daddy to turn on a movie. Finally, he talked my ear off until 1:30 but probably closer to 2. And he fell asleep, and so did I. I then got myself out of his tiny twin bed and got into my own comfortable bed, only be woken up by Darin around 6:30.

Now, the eating. We don't eat all organic, and sometimes we eat boxed foods like mashed potatoes or potatoes Au gratin or long grain and wild rice or what not. But we portion those exactly, because of carbs. Darin doesn't eat what we eat. He stopped that before his 2nd birthday. It's why we're really particular on getting Callen to eat (although he is starting to refuse things, and it's pissing me off to be completely honest). But Darin hardly eats, period. I got 1 serving of mac and cheese into him yesterday. THAT'S IT! All day long, that's all he ate.
He's currently chowing down on an apple, so my prayer is that he finishes it. At least that's healthy.

So he's not sleeping and he doesn't eat. So he has no energy to practice obedience or any of the character traits we're trying to instill in our children. I've caught him lying, he's sneaky and disobedient, and he can't pay attention to save his life (he can't sit still either). Now I'm not crazy. I know he's a 3 year old boy, his attention span isn't going to be that great. I get it, but he can't sit at the table for a meal, because he can't sit that long. Probably because he has no energy and will crash if he sits for too long. I'm obviously being overly honest here in this post. I mean, I admitted that my child got half a bottle of tylenol. So here's some more goodies for ya: I googled ADHD diets. I think ADD and ADHD are extremely over diagnosed. It's the doctors answer to hyper children.. Children are allowed to be hyper. I believe with all my heart, that medicine is good. I do. HOWEVER, I think a lot of times, things can be treated simply at home with a change of diet, prayer and perhaps some herbs. I think ADD and ADHD are one of those things. Sure there are children out there that need the medicine, Praise God the medicine is available. I think the medicine is too easily handed out like candy to any parent who thinks their kid is hyper, when in reality, the kid is eating nothing but fruit snacks, pop and candy or juice that's actually half sugar and 1% juice. No judgement, just my opinion. Darin has had pop, and candy and overly sugared juice. And I've actually had to ban fruit snacks, because he would find them and eat the entire box in a day, if I let him. No judgement, just observations and opinions.
So I googled an ADHD diet. It scares me to think of cutting out all of our food for 2 weeks. Dairy, yellow fruit/veggies, 90% of the sugar/chocolate, chicken nuggets. Why? Because Darin likes cheese and yogurt and milk. He will sometimes eat chicken nuggets and if the ONLY thing he eats in a day is 2 McDonald's chicken nuggets, then I have to get something into his system.

We have an appointment on Tuesday. I'm going to talk to our doctor about allergy testing (maybe part of this is allergy related? I'm desperate and grasping for straws, here). And I'm praying to get a referral to a pediatric nutrionist. I need help. Something is wrong, and I can't, I don't know HOW to fix it. There's an answer, and I'm willing to go the distance in figuring this out, but our house needs sleep. Darin needs sleep. Darin needs to eat. And we're going to figure this out.

Me Monday

2011-10-03T08:49:00.001-07:00

Found these on my memory card. In desperation to get ONE picture of Darin at school, I let Darin shoot me last week while we were waiting on his teacher. He goes to speech 2 days a week, for 30 minutes. So the other boys and I just hang out in the foyer, outside the office because we're not allowed into the school at all. It's kind of dumb, no scratch that, it is WAY dumb. But oh well, I have to do it, because otherwise I'd have to unbuckle 3 kidlets from carseats, get the stroller out, go into the school to drop Darin off, walk back to the car, buckle 2 kidlets into carseats, put the stroller up, drive somewhere, unload 2 children, and then start the process of going back. 30 minutes goes by too fast when you're doing stuff like that. (It doesn't go by as fast when you're hanging in the lobby).

I got this:

He took these:

Somehow he got the better end of our tit for tat. I got 1 shot, he got 4? And his are better lit than mine.... But I'll take credit for that, since I DID do all the camera settings :P

Here's what else we do:
We snack, I let Callen drink coffee (but notice the huge owie on his head? He needed it..) and we play! In the tiny foyer surrounded by windows/glass doors. I feel sorry for the janitors... I know Callen leaves a hand/lip/nose print whenever possible :P

Behind.

2011-10-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

At one point, do you stop playing catch up and just move forward? I'm working on project. Check it out (or don't). But you can check there for shots of what we've done since my last post. How about that? I generally suck at these things, but so far so good. I've missed a day or two, but it's my life and I'm okay with that. Maybe next year I'll be better. I also don't always update that day, or even that week. I've still got to catch up from Sept 28 to present, and again, I'm okay with that.

Sometimes you've just got to be okay with it. All of it.

wow, I'm behind.

2011-09-26T07:24:00.001-07:00

I feel so stinkin' behind. But I'm going to work on that. Later today while the bambinos nap. Matt made the mistake of letting Darin watch Netflix on my desktop, so it was abused in so many ways that make me want to cry. So I have to get everything back to the way it's supposed to be, and then I'll get blogging again.

Just conversation.

2011-09-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

Poor Monday's get a bad rap. I've taken it upon myself to start seeing life differently. If you follow me on FB, maybe you've noticed my posts only once or twice a day? Maybe you just notice that I'm not blowing up your newsfeed. I still love Facebook, and 'll still be the nerd who posts more pictures of her kids than herself, you'll only ever see videos of the babies, and my profile picture may not be of me at all! Yeppers, I'm still that chick. What you won't see is negative nancy Kassi. She's been kicked out, because she annoys regular Pollyanna, happy go lucky Kassi. It's okay to be annoyed at yourself. It's okay to want to Gibbs slap yourself as well. I want to make these years before my boys go to school count. Before long, I'll be worried about what time I have to be at the school, and how many shoots I can get edited before it's time to pick them up (and I do plan on being that amazing :P).

Weekends are going to be reserved for family. Unless we're skping with family, then I don't plan on being on the computer. Well, maybe if Matt's playing Call of Duty with family on the Xbox during naptime, I'll get on the computer because.... you can only watch so much Call of Duty before it gets old really fast. But most likely I'll spend that time doing something fabulous instead. Knitting perhaps? Napping? Oh yes, I can find untechnicalogical things to do.

Have I mentioned my love for dumb phones, yet? The ability to go anywhere and call anyone if you have an emergency, or if you get bored, but no need to check FB (no one is really that interesting),or twitter. It's amazing. I love it.

Sawyer is kind of in a cranky mood sometimes during the day. Overall, he's much happier than he was a newborn (0-3 months) but he still has days (who doesn't?) where he is down right cranky. After a few days of wanting to pull my hair out, I remembered my carriers! Oh my word, I love babywearing and for some reason I just had them in the car, or in the closet and wasn't wearing them in the house! Crazy me. Sawyer is digging the Moby. I'm honestly not a huge moby supporter, but I spent the $40 when Darin was born, might as well as get my moneys worth. Honestly, it's cheaper and neater to go to the fabric store and pick at 5 yards of whatever jersey knit fabric you like. Bada bing bada boom, Moby wrap Lot cheaper, in your favorite color. Anyway, He's digging the Moby for now. I'll break out the woven wrap soon (4.5 yards of cotton gauze fabric), because for me, it's my favorite. It' Darin's favorite too. In fact, it's in his closet because he'll randomly decide he wants to be worn and bring it to me. That melts my heart.

Anyway, Sawyer and I have been spending a lot of time bundled up, and loving it. It was in the 50s this weekend, which is why he's wearing a hat, and we're both wearing Matt's sweater! Who needs baby wearing jackets when you have a husband?!

he did what?!?!

2011-09-13T17:45:00.000-07:00

I'm a long time follower of Erin Cobb's "The Pig Bear" blog. I'm pretty sure, she had my mom and I rolling when we read this one.

Today, I experienced it. But not with anything cute, like a letter "b". No instead, Callen in all of his now 18 months old (yesterday!) glory, decided that the drain in Daddy's shower (where he and his older brother often play--neither of them can get to the handle to turn on the water, so it had been assumed safe...) would be the perfect place to stick his right pointer! No I won't lie, I was on Facebook. Matt had gotten home, I had grabbed my afternoon shower, and decided to diddle daddle for a few minutes (10 to be exact. I'm trying to start timing myself, in an effort to balance). All of sudden, Callen is crying. Now this is where you get to see me in all of my mom glory (don't judge me :P)

"Darin! What did you do?!" (oh yeah, I said it.)

::Cricket, cricket, Callen crying::

"Darin!"
"Yes, my mommy?" as he comes running into the office.
"What happened, buddy?"
"Allen (we're working on it) fiender tuck"
"What?!"
Matt chimes in (from his bathroom) "um...Babe? I need a screw driver. His finger is stuck!"

Now, let me preface the rest of the blog with a disclaimer: I thought it was a little stuck. You know, tug a tiny bit, and bam it's off, stuck. NOT take him to the ER where we have 8 people working on his tiny hand with things called bone-cutters, stuck. I ALSO did not take any of the pictures in the ER. I babble when I get nervous, and what's more nerve wrecking than your child stuck to a foreign object, so stuck that it's starting to bleed a little bit? So when the nurse asked me "did you take a picture?!" (I mean, seriously who wouldn't of taken a picture?!) I replied "yeah! I didn't know it was this stuck! I actually brought my camera with!" She then asked if I wanted some pictures of "the work" and took the camera and snapped. So yes, there are pictures. And yes, I did update my facebook about it, because I was on facebook at the time, and we hadn't made the official decision to go to the ER. I was pretty sure, but Matt wanted to try a few other options first.

We get to the ER, and I've never been more thankful to be laughed at. Seriously, and what else are you going to do when you see a mom walk in with an 18 month old on her hip, holding his hand up in the air attached to a SHOWER DRAIN! I made me feel normal, because I laughed when I called my mom and my mother in law.

They got us in fast, obviously, and we immediately had everyone for "Trauma Room 5", there working on ideas. The first idea was to wrap it tight, and ice it, to try to get the swelling down (it had been stuck for 30-45 minutes at this point, and was pretty swollen. It was also starting to bleed. It was right about now in the story where the doctor mentions, if it swells up anymore, that they're going to have to take him into the OR and sedate him in order to get it off (um, minor mommy freak out moment). In the end, I was glad they told me that straight up, that way if it had happened, I wouldn't be completely falling apart.

Then, they brought in the big guns. Ring cutters alone couldn't get close enough, nor could they do anything more than scratch the metal. So they brought in tools from orthopedic surgery. Things called "Bone cutters" and "Pin slicers" and pliers. I never want that kind of surgery, just sayin'. Then an EMT who was in the room (seriously at least 8 people and at one point 15.. Let's face it, we were the show, last night) all of a sudden said "ooh! Let me go get something from the ambulance". He walks in with these things, I don't even know what they use them for. Nor do I want to.

SEE?!?!?! Those things are ridculous! But they helped. The life flight nurse was in there, and she kept his hand stable and made sure the rest of his hand was taped up before they started cutting. I kept a sheet up so that Callen couldn't see what was happening.

He was surprisingly calm. If they tugged on his finger too much, he would cry, and towards the end, he really started freaking out and a nurse had to hold his legs. Every nurse, doctor, apprentice, secretary, etc that saw him, told me how amazing he was. They blew bubbles with him, tried to distract him with balls, cars, and Toy Story 3.

And the most amazing miraculous part, he walked (or was carried) out of there with nothing more than a band aid! No stitches, no scars, nothing but a tiny cut!

So there, our first real emergency room emergency visit. I won't lie, it was rather hilarious. A SHOWER DRAIN! The boys love to stick things down the air vents of our house, so I think that he was probably trying to drop something in the drain, it's the only way I could think it happened. But who knows. So there ya go.

2011-09-13T10:26:00.000-07:00

1. First shot on the new camera. A sign of things to come? (This one by the way is FULLY mobile. low crawls faster than some Marines. Oh and he has 2 teeth. And can make the walker move. He'll be running soon, I'm sure)

2. Lensbaby Muse.

3. Playing. Getting into trouble. either one, your choice.

4. Totally use the flash for this. Oh well. It was dark, he was being funny. Sometimes you do what you must to get the memory, not the shot.

5. I love this dude. Seriously.

6. Callen is my clown kid. He makes the best faces... Except I see a lot of myself in those faces.... so did I basically just call myself a clown? Guess so. LOL.

7. This. Oh my heart needs this.

8. Lensbaby shot.

9. My favorite lensbaby shot so far.

10. Have a blessed day. Be blessed, but most importantly be a blessing. Buy a soda for a stranger, add an extra coffee to your Starbucks order for the next tall/grande/venti that comes through (this really confuses the baristas). Show love, receive love, be love.

balance.

2011-09-13T06:01:00.001-07:00

I've finally reached a pinnacle in my life. I broke my smart phone (those things are built like crap! just sayin') the day we went to NC, so while we were there, I used Matt's personal phone. Then when we got home, I kept using it. No biggie, until his work phone met our washer machine (I don't check pockets.... Especially cammies that have like 30 million pockets), so I took his personal phone to Kansas City, but he needed a phone here. So off he went to Verizon. He recently bought me an Ipod Touch, so I have all the games/apps, I really need on there (plus, having had the opportunity to have apple apps over android apps, I prefer the apple ones). So I downgraded! I'm back to a phone with texting, calls and a camera. No more facebook, twitter (although I did set it up to be able to tweet via texting, but I can't read replies or get tweets or anything). In order to get on FB, I have to purposely stop whatever I'm doing, go to a computer and get on. Sometimes, we need more balance in our lives And sometimes, downgrading is the perfect way to achieve it. Also, want to hear something neat? My little dumb phone (as in the opposite of a smart phone :P ) hasn't been charged in THREE DAYS, I still have at least half a battery left!!!! I couldn't keep my smart phone alive for 24 hours! So, um yeah.

I like things that I have to make a concious effort to do. I've lived my life, wayyyyyyyyyyyy to hooked up. Twitter and Facebook and the like are good, they truly are. It's the best way for me share pictures, videos and newswith my family in NC, MN and TX. Do you know how many emails I'd have to send to do that?! Or how many phone calls, I'd have to make? Yeah, so I'm keeping them, I'm just making an effort to make it more balanced.

I got my new camera!!! EEEK! I'm in love. There's gonna be some learning involved because well some of the stuff is different than the ole' Canon. But, I know the basics and that's the hardest part. The Lensbaby has a learning curve all it's own :P Goodness, gracious! I'm working on it, and I'll definitely share my journey. I have an idea of something I want to shoot with it, but I'm gonna have to get a model first. Which I'm working on.

Well, breakfast is now over, and Darin is seperating shapes by color, and I want to go play with him. Soooo, have a beautifully balanced day my friends! Beautifully balanced.

Oh and tonight is golf, so after bedtime, I'll have time for a beautiful 10 on Tuesday :-)

until its gone.

2011-09-07T10:12:00.000-07:00

"you never know what you had until it's gone" or however that saying goes. It's exactly how I've felt the past few days. Matt told me he thought I was nuts, but I hate not having a camera, a real one. We don't own a point and shoot, well we do, but it's crap. Like 5 megapixels... My ipod has more than that. So we don't use it. I never fully realized how much photography has become a part of my every day life. Sawyer does something cute, grab the camera, Darin wants to say cheese or set his dinosaurs up? Grab the camera. I'm going to Kansas City for several days childless, and alone, um grab the camera! It's like it's built into my bone structure now.

Anyway, Nikon still not here, should ship by today. I leave tomorrow at 6am, so even if for some reason it shipped overnight, I wouldn't get it. Oh well. Hopefully that just means I'll have a present when I get home! And then y'all will be looking at post upon post of new pictures with the new lens :P

I picked up my Canon 30D today. Still needs repairs, but Matt bought me the new camera, so he asked me to wait on the repairs. (I will still repair it, and probably keep it around. It's my first love, can't help it!) Regardless of the needed repairs, it DOES shoot. And that's exactly what my fingers and eyes needed! So in the 1.5 hours between when I picked it up and when I took Darin to speech (and while he was in speech) this:

3 great things on Tuesday

2011-09-06T17:29:00.000-07:00

Today has been marvelous. A lot less sleep than I'm used to last night (seriously, up with Darin as if he was a newborn!) but the day was pretty grand. Got 2 hour nap out of Darin, 3 out of Callen, Sawyer has been in a marvelous mood, I love that he's out of his grumpy baby stage! He's so happy and joyful.

Anyway, I got this today:

I also got 2 rolls of film for this AND I loaded it :P I've decided while it is fun to not know what your getting, I could never be a full time film shooter for lack of patience, but I can definitely see why such a big film revival is going on! Who knows, maybe I'll start a vintage camera collection and shoot with those for personal occasions. I have 2, and I know my inlaws have one. But I still love my digital.

This camera means the world to me, you can get them for dirt cheap on ebay, (less than $30), and it's definitely not fancy/high tech, but oh it means so much to my soul. My heart is so attached to it, it brings me so much joy to look through the viewfinder. It's this connection to my grandparents It's beautiful, and I'm so thankful for it. My next goal is to get my dad's old Super8 camera going :P

AND I got an email from the shop where I dropped off my Canon 30D, and it is BACK. So while I can't use my lensbaby, and I still haven't gotten my new Nikon, I'll at least have SOMETHING to take to Kansas City!

10.

2011-09-06T11:23:00.000-07:00

1. Still no camera. In fact, the website still says "order recieved by supplier" apparently, it can take up to TWELVE days to process and then 7 days to ship. So basically, if they take their sweet time, I could have to wait for another EIGHT days. Don't buy electronics from AAFES. Don't let your husband do it either. I'd rather of payed shipping AND sales tax, if it meant I could have my camera.

2. On the positive side, my lensbaby will be here sometime before close of business today! I won't be able to use it, but dang it, I'm gonna love it. Matt has a coworker that just bought a D5100. If my camera isn't here by noonish tomorrow, I'm going to ask Matt to have him bring it to kickball. Just so I can plug the lens in and play. I'm that desperate.

3. My 30D isn't back either. I leave Thursday at 6am for Kansas City. I might not have a camera outside of my Brownie Hawkeye and 2 rolls of film. Ya'll may just be seeing some film shots on an old camera! Talk about seeing through the eyes of my grandparents!!!

4. Random Ipod Touch photos to follow. It's what I've got!

5. Nerf Guns (aka "boom boom"s) are now rulers of our household.

6. Fall has arrived. Look at Sawyer's apparel from Sunday night. Hat, baby legs, hoodie, yeah, it was COLD. I was in sweatpants and a sweater.

7. This little man is hilarious. And doesn't like sweaters. Go figure.

8. Darin build's sand castles at kickball. Every week.

9. I have no words for this.... The things he choses to wear, make me laugh.

10. I made baby food. Poor Sawyer, hasn't had barely any... With Darin, I was so excited to make his food and feed him, with Callen I did excellent, but still only 5 foods or so before I started giving tiny peas & carrots. Sawyer has had sweet potatoes like 3 times... In fact, I need to go take a cube out of the freezer for him. Guess I'll do that while I prepare our dinner.

one zero.

2011-08-30T08:00:00.001-07:00

1. apparently, my new camera has the worlds slowest shipping. Okay, maybe not. But I feel like it does. LOL. I just want to hold it, and love it already.

2. while I wait, I've been playing with some old photos. Practicing some black and white conversions. I've been using actions, because I just couldn't make them look exactly how I wanted. So since I have nothing new to shoot (well, no way to shoot anything new. I've got plenty to shoot! It's killing me!) I figured I could get some practice in.

3. This is from Kristin & Kenny's engagment shoot. I seriously adore this little old rickity house. If Kenny's aunt ever tears it down, I might cry.

4. I emptied my old laptop a few weeks ago. The screen is shot, and it's SLLLLOOOOW as a turtle running in molasses, but I got everything, which feels nice. In my emptying, I've been looking through old pictures, and I found this gem from September 2008. It's me and my baby Darin! I can't get over it. I see so much of Darin now in Callen & Sawyer!

5. This is from that same weekend. I had just done a photoshoot, and then Matt and I got a picture in. I think I'm going to have it printed, I adore it of the both of us.

6. Oh, sweet Callen monster. He's the only baby that's ever let me pose him (well, I didn't know HOW to pose Darin. Sawyer wouldn't let me do anything to him. LOL) He's still my most laid back child.

7. <3

8. I'm not sure how I feel about this conversion, to be completely honest. On some level it speaks to me, and then on another level, I like the picture and hate the b/w. So I don't know...

9. Sweet Callen man. He was such a lazy baby in terms of rolling, crawling, walking, etc. He seemed to get running after he did finally start walking. This was him at 6 months-ish, and he had JUST started rolling over.

10. I'm off to stalk shipping now. If I see "order recieved by supplier" again, I might cry. I really want it to get here by the weekend!

Making Monday awesome. .

2011-08-29T07:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, pinterest sucks because you can never find the true origin of things. This quote is freakin' awwesome, and how I'm going to start seeing Mondays. I can't find the original place, and I hate not being able to credit where credit is due. But pinterest linked it to here, so...it's what we've got to work with.

After much, much, much discussion, I'm not going to be taking the anti-depressants the doctor gave me. Matt and I have talked and prayed about it, and want to find a more natural answer before we dive into the antidepressant world. We because it's something that most definitely takes its toll on our entire family. For now, I'm on a Stressless vitamin (4-6 a day) and I'm also drinking my share of herbal teas. Most of my problems aren't depression, but instead anxiety. Things get too loud or I get overwhelmed and I feel like I'm crumbling and want to hide in the corner. I get shakey and it's just all around nasty. We don't have anything against antidepressants, and if it comes to that, I will take them. But we struggle with the ideas of "how long would I have to be on them?" "how do you ween yourself off of them" etc, etc. Plus, I took one on Friday and was nauseaus for 2 days. ....And if there is a natural, non-chemical way for me to deal with the anxiety, we're more willing to try that.

Apparently, my oldest and youngest decided today was going to be so amazing, that they wanted to celebrate early. As in MIDNIGHT early. Yeah.... So this morning is a lazy one. Then naptime will come, I'll workout, shower and this afternoon, after lunch we'll head to the library.

Matt surprised me last week. On Friday he sent me a random email (we never email each other. ever. we call or text). Attached to the email was a reciept for something awesome! Eek. I'm a Nikon girl now! I was completely shocked and surprised and NOT expecting it. We TALKED about it, yes, but I figured I'd be getting my Canon back and it was just talk about things that would come to pass eventually. It was a huge surprise and an even bigger blessing.

Now I'm in the process of selling my Canon 430EXII. I haven't used it but maybe 10 times in the 2.5 years I've had it. If you know anyone interested, email me at wife05mommy08@gmail.com

Be blessed and make today fantabulous!

Eeeeeek

2011-08-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

eeeekkk. Something exciting has happened. Not physically, although I've been reading some scriptures that helped me through our time in the NICU, and those are doing amazing things for me mentally. But later this week, I'll have a big surprise for everyone. It was a BIG surprise to me. And no, no babies, because well that factory is closed for baby making and about to recieve some maintenance :P

in more positive news....

2011-08-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

I'm ready to feel myself. I want nothing more than to not have to wear a pad for 3 weeks. I'd be okay having a normal period, bleed for 7-10 days, with 20 or so days before I bleed again. This bleed for 15 days, then don't bleed for 3 days and start all over? it's for, well, I don't know who it's for, but it's not for me.

I'm trying to avoid myself, at all costs. I feel so twisty and not myself. It's scary. It's like there is an actual stranger inhabiting my skin, my body and my life.

Onto more positive news, Matt finally said the U word. UPGRADE. And we talked some. He mentioned a budget, we talked about the cost of repairing my 30D. And we've always thrown the N word (Nikon) around some. I don't really have anything grounding me to Canon. I mean, I have a flash, and I have a few cheapo lenses that came with the camera, but nothing really grounding me there. I'm doing some more research, and I'll probably head over to Harold's and hold a few here soon. I'm a touchy feely kinda girl, gotta touch it, feel it, try it before I go and say "oooh I want _____________". I've done the reading research, but now I need to do the touching. It's my favorite part.

There's a cat 3 hurricane barreling towards the NC coast, not far from my hometown. They had an earthquake earlier this week, and some terrible tornadoes earlier this year. It's safe to say, they've seen it all. Praying for their safety and the safety of all those in good ole' Jacksonville.

I miss hurricanes. Some of my fondest, most fun childhood memories revolve around hurricanes. <3 I also have a meteorological crush on Jim Cantore. For real. I'll be glued to the weather channel, all weekend. No doubt.

Random thought of the day:

2011-08-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

How is that that people can have surgeries to "fix" perfectly decent boobs, butts, noses, etc. All cosmetic with no health problems whatsoever....But I have a uterus that's been bleeding since my son was born in FEBRUARY, that's caused me to go so deep into depression that I have to be on freakin' anti-depressants, and no one will take it out.

We live in one fucked up world. And I dont' even care that I just cussed.

Family.

2011-08-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

There comes a point in your life, where family becomes everything. My family is my life. My husband and my sons are my everything. After God, they are the most important in my life. And then comes the village, the family that you hold tightly, whose opinions you cherish. And then there are the friends that regardless of the fact that you share no blood, are family. In North Carolina, I got to be with my entire family. From my husband to my best friends, I got to hug my aunt shelly, I got to watch Darin run crazy with his cousins, of the fake and real varieties. it was amazing, and I cherish those memories, so grandly. So much, that I put down the camera and just enjoyed it. So the only pictures I have, are from a random afternoon trip to the memorials. the Beiruit and Vietnam Memorials where there is also a steel beam from The World Trade Centers.

This next one is my favorite. I'm having it printed on a large canvas. It's so imperfectly perfect. Not what I wanted to shoot, but the one I'm so glad I did.

The Past, The Present and the Future of the Marine Corps. Minus my favorite Marine, of course :P

The men of the family who were present that day. Matt had already had to return to South Dakota.

10 on Tuesday.

2011-08-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

1. We started preschooling today. Darin was too excited to wait until next week. So we started today. Nothing incredibly deep, well...duh, it's preschool. Right now as I type, he's drawing lines from left to right. Then we'll work on top to bottom, circles and slants. Not all today, but I want him to have those basic skills before we dive into letters. Because if he has those basic skills then he'll be able to do letters easily.

2. We're also working on the character trait: Obedience. And we'll be working on his memory verse and story from church as well. And then of course there will be our field trip for the color red and circles (which are are color and shape for the 1st week of school, which is supposed to be next week, but eh, it'll work now because hey we're at home, we can do what we please!

3. I started my period. Again. I'm not sure if I've told you that my body hates me and is rebelling in the form of eternal periods. I've had 1 month of not bleeding since Sawyer was born. And it wasn't a straight month, it was a week here, a week there, and then like 8 days since I stopped bleeding last time.

4. I'm going in for a referral for a hysterectomy. At this point, if they don't take it out, I'm pretty sure I'll do it myself. Seriously.

5. My camera is in the shop. I know it needs it, but I'm sad to be without it. Maybe I can talk Matt into an upgrade while we wait?

6. Darin has already finished his left to rights, and his ups to downs. He's a speed demon. Except I can tell he's the kinda kid whose gonna rush to get it done, just to say "I did it". Good thing I noticed that on day 1!

7. I also have no phone. I threw mine. It broke. We're not eligible for upgrades yet.

8. I hate that I just admitted that. I'm working on my issues.

9. I've never been more grateful for grace. God has shown me more grace than I could possibly deserve and yet on a daily basis, he shows it again and again. Over and over, and I'm so grateful.

10. Our church has started an Angel Food Ministries program. It's a help up, not a hand out. It's for all people, regardless of income. I'm excited to try it, quality foods for a lower price, who couldn't use a break like that?! We're still trying to figure out exactly what we want, but they have a HUGE produce box for only $24! Um, excuse me?! You can't get half the produce in the box for $24 at the store!

The end. Now I'm off to call my doctor about that referral. Kassi needs this over with, like yesterday!

sweet southern joys

2011-08-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

I was gonna call this Southern Comfort, but then I remembered that was some kind of alcohol, so I didn't.

I'm a southern girl, through and through. There is nothing I love more than a sticky, grossly hot, August in North Carolina. Strange probably, but oh well.

Having just spent 2.5 weeks at home, I'm now kind of homesick. Enjoying the coolness here in South Dakota, because I'm sure in 8 months I'll be complaining about the dry heat of California's desert, but still missing the fact that I could be frolicking in the ocean, and sand, or at Dave & Lisa's pool.... Also, not enjoying the fact that the past 2 falls I've been pregnant and in maternity clothes....so I have no clothes for fall... or winter....

Anyway, I'm sitting here enjoying a wonderfully southern snack and missing home where I could stop by any ole' produce stand and buy a bagful... But I'll enjoy the saltiness of my canned boiled peanuts that I heat up on the stove, and I'll imagine myself drinking a glass of ice tea with my bag of boiled peanuts on the covered back porch with the fans ablowing in my parents backyard. I'll imagine the shrieks of children playing in the pool just down the street and I'll imagine the salty wind blowing across my face.

And then when I'm done imagining, my children will all awake from their naps and I'll enjoy the now... Maybe we'll go on an afternoon walk, or drive to the park, and maybe I can convince my husband that we should let the kids stay up late and treat the family to a night at the local ballpark for a Pheasants game.... I hear they have fireworks.

Conversations with myself.

2011-08-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

Update: I got the links working! Way to make things complicated blogger.

I talk to myself... Sometimes I ask myself questions outloud.... Then I answer them. I can hold entire conversations in my head. I don't like confrontation and 99.9% of the time I end up flustered and can't talk, but I can play out the situation in my head a day later and come up with a ton of good comebacks! I have a good half a book written in my head....one day I'll type it up.

I've been having a lot of self discovery conversations with myself. Random conversations about what I want, and what am I doing right this second. They are pretty deep sometimes....other times the only thing I want is just to pee in a quiet bathroom alone.... But then I think about how in just a few years, my boys will be too old to play at my feet while I pee, so I smile and accept my life for what it truly is, not perfect and so fabulous.

I failed at my project. I don't know why I did... I just did. I could blame it on a million and twelve things but I won't. It was just a project, it's not the end of the world.

I found some of my grandparents old cameras. Pretty basic, nothing incredibly fancy and yet I find myself captivated by them. I don't shoot film, I actually like digital and we have fun together. It fits me, just like film fits other people. (This chick? She can rock the film)
But I do plan on finding some film for the old Brownie and taking it for a spin. I found some pretty awesome links and information on how to clean it, and get film for it that will actually work. I also found a super 8 camera, that I'd LOVE to figure out how to operate, but we'll see.

I have some amazing styled shoots planned out (again in my head..... it's part of the conversations I have with myself), and I have a few people that I'm gonna ask to help me make them happen.

We had our family pictures taken in NC. You can go to heartlovephotography.com and go to clients and we're the Hamilton's. No password. I'm in love with them.

My mom drove back from NC with us, and stayed until this past Friday. Thursday we got a cupcake at the cupcakery (Oh my Cupcakes! Here in Sioux Falls, seriously amazing!) I had a Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, and oh my, it was mouth wateringly delicious. Lemon cake with cream cheese filling and buttercream icing? So fresh and clean and I need another one.

After the cupcakes, we went to the Falls (Falls Park on the Big Sioux River...hence the city name of Sioux Falls....) and I took some pictures. I have like a trillion picture to sort through currently, but I played with these first.

Day 4 {green}

2011-07-06T17:12:00.001-07:00

this is my actual submission. From where I park my hiney on the back porch while the boys play, this is what I see. Oh how I love it. The sun peaks through, the green leaves scream with glee, and I sit basking in the sunny shade. and I for no apparent reason am on a shooting into the sun kick..... It's unexplainable.

after dinner tonight, the boys had popsicles. GREEN popsicles. I didn't get any crazy inspiration from it, so I thought "ehh, we could try grass and popsicles with a naked baby" ehh, he's a cute baby and I love his little baby man boobs (moobs), but it didn't scream to me to be my green entry.....

Day 3/30 {Clouds}

2011-07-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

I argued with myself trying to decide to do the cartoony version I had in my head or go realistic. I went realistic, but might try the cartoony version later, if the kids allow. We'll see. Maybe I'll work on it, and then do it later, so I know I get the image I have in my head. Either way, today's theme has an amazing image plastered in my head that you will {eventually} see. And it's totally outside my usual box!

Until then, I give you clouds.

For the first two, I was shooting straight at the sun :0

2/30 {What I wore}

2011-07-05T08:17:00.000-07:00

My favorite sandals! So tall, and yet still so comfy!

Smorgasbord

2011-07-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

I had to google how to spell that. I know how to say it, and I was close in my spelling, but I still googled it.

We celebrated our freedoms and enjoyed friends & fellowship on July 3rd, this year. Our church had it's picnic at the park and then we went to a friend's house for fireworks. I have thrown together some collages of pictures for you to see, kinda how the day went :P

Darin had a blast. Didn't stop until 10:30 when we got in the car last night! We got home and got the kids in bed around 11:30, and we all slept until 10!!! That's just how tired we all were.

Day 1/30 {Self Portrait}

2011-07-03T05:32:00.000-07:00

Ehh, might as well TRY, right? Things around the middle of July to beginning of August (basically the 2nd half of this) will get a little "ehhhh" BUT I'm gonna try to stick with getting my pictures, SOMEHOW, I will participate. I'll have them from my phone if I must! Except I haven't figured out how to blog from my phone, so you may have to wait a day or two in between.

Goals: Challenge myself, look outside my normal photographic box, learn something, actually finish.

So here, I am. Day 1: Self Portrait.

Turns out you can capture sunflare in South Dakota.... if you stay up until 9 pm. :P We had a blast yesterday and I'll be sharing the pictures from our day, sometime later when the chillens nap :P

Day 1: Self Portrait.

SNR {Saturday Night Randoms}

2011-07-02T21:42:00.000-07:00

I have exactly 17 minutes to type and post for it to actually qualify as Saturday night :P Here we go.

1. MEPS family day was Friday (7.1.11). Lake Vermillion, lots of fun. See?

2. Summer is finally here. I got a sunburn at the lake.

3. I like sunburns, that stingy feeling the first day. After that, they suck. Especially when you don't cut baby finger nails.

4. We got orders.

5. We had a choice. NC or CA. God said CA, so off we go.

6. I had words with God over that. Just bein' honest. 29 Palms, California? Not on my list of places to see.

7. I'm slowly getting over it. God is in charge, not me. There will be something awesome in 29 Palms for us, I know it!

8. Talk about climate adjustments! Frozen Tundra to Desert!

9. I'm exhausted. My iron is low (at last check it was 10.4, but I'm sure it's lower now). I actually take iron supplements. This is TMI, but I have had 2 7 days stretches of no bleeding and 3 or 4 1 days stretches of no bleeding, since I had Sawyer. He's over 4 months old. The doctor was impressed my iron was HIGH at 10.4. I had surgery to fix the bleeding..... the most common side effect after the surgery? Bleeding. 3 weeks post surgery, and I'm still having the same problem. Luckily, it's less painful and a heck of a lot lighter.

10. That was a lot of TMI. But it's on my mind, and well I'm pretty sure I've always been an open book....

11. Ehhhh, I'm tired and I did this whole blogpost in 7 minutes.

the fantastic mr. fox.

2011-06-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

made a new hat last week, the awake little mister let me try it out :-)

8 days old.

2011-06-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

I have never formally photographed a newborn, besides my own. When I took Jenny's maternity shots, I volunteered to do newborn as well. Practice is practice is practice, and I'll take practice in any area I can get!

So, she and Mr. Man came over today and I got to play with him. Now Sawyer is only 4 months old, but man, you forget how quickly they change and grow!

Sooooo, newborns are.....challenging. Adorable, snugglable, and oh they smell so fabulous, but this little man did not want to sleep. At least at first! Even after a bottle, and some snuggles, he was all eyes! So we went with it. Then Matt got home, and I remember the "miracle music" (cd--Sleep Sound in Jesus, seriously worked MIRACLES in getting Darin to sleep as a baby!), so I turned it on and played it softly. Sure enough within the first 2 songs, Mr man was out :P So now on the list of things to remember for newborn shoots? Miracle music!

Here are 2 of my favorites, from after he went to sleep. I'm sure I'll share more, as I work my way through them.

and my living room, all set up for the shoot. There is a large window to the right, which is the only light, I used. HOPEFULLY, I can find someone with a saw, who will be willing to chop my seamless in half. It's FAR too long to break out on a regular basis, and I really enjoyed using it.

well then.

2011-06-24T12:24:00.000-07:00

didn't PLAN to take these, but I'm so glad I did!!! I'm photographing a newborn (8days old!!) today, and wanted to test the light, and then Darin wanted to hold Sawyer, and then wam bam here I am :P (oh yeah, I'm cool enough to say things like that!)

Those are happiness in forever form.

ten.

2011-06-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

1. Hey Tell. If you have a smartphone, go to the market, download the app. the end.

2. I found out about it here at The Pig Bear. Her blog is partly responsible for me believing I could actually use cloth diapers successfully.

3. I'm on my 3rd iced coffee, it's not even noon.

4. I'm so thankful for grace. Inspired2Action, shared this quote by Graham Cooke with me, "Failure is tempory, Grace is eternal." Seems so elementary, and yet so profound all in the same breath.

5. I got the bright idea to bathe the boys together. All 3 of them. As the only adult home.

6. It went..... well. Sawyer was obviously pleased. And I just laugh looking at Callen & Darin's faces. Notice the white spots in Darin's hair? That'd be yogurt.

7. I'm almost done editing the maternity session. I think I might actually have a good workflow!

8. there is HUGE giveaway going on over at www.soulographer.com, totally check it out!

9. I thought I had a lot to say. Apparently I don't.

10. I'm just writing sentences next to numbers.

sick day.

2011-06-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

I knew it would happen some day. All 3 children would be sick at the same time, let's face it, it was just bound to happen. What I didn't count on, was being sick at the same time!! Luckily, it's not the worst kind of sick, it's just chest colds with runny noses. But the coughs still echo, and the sniffles are constant, so I called a sick day. A day where nothing was to be done, except rest. We all donned socks, all 3 babies wore baby legs to keep said socks on, vapor rub was divided amongst all feeties* and chests too.

That there is my guilty pleasure. I love GREEK, and I love that I can watch the entire series instantly via Netflix.

I'll spare you seeing my sick face, and show you my favorite socks from Germany instead. They go up to my thighs. They rock.

Darin's sick look.

Callen's sick look, reading to his baby (both older boys have boy cabbage patch dolls, Sawyer will have one too, when I get around to buying it.)

and little man's sick look. He wasn't pleased about the camera.

*I read/heard somewhere that vapor rub works best when applied to your feet. I don't remember the specifics and I try not to jump on weird band wagons of doing weird things. But it really is the truth! It works far better on the feet than the chest, but today I was desperate, so we did both!

seriously.

2011-06-19T19:14:00.002-07:00

get this, I didn't TOUCH her eyes. seriously.

These next 2 are kind of outtake/blooper kind of shots, but I love them so much. Watching daddy chase his little princess was just too sweet. The love between the two of them was contagious, and you couldn't help but watch them with a smile.

and a complete blooper. She snuck right in at the perfect moment. I love mom & dad's faces! I was informed that little miss had gone to bed super late the night before, had to be woken up for church and hadn't napped that day! If I had put any of my boys in that situation, it would of been a NIGHTMARE, I thought mom was joking!! She was a doll, and so much fun, she loved imitating mommy throughout the shoot!

and mister in mom's belly? He arrived on Thursday!! I'm glad we did these when we did!!!

2011-06-19T19:14:00.001-07:00

Dream Big.

2011-06-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

I've had images of Darin in his cape and underroos in my head for a while now. It screams BOY, and it definitely screams DARIN!! These aren't the images I had in my brain, and it doesn't even matter because I love them even more!!

I think there is something to be learned from 3 year olds in underwear and capes. It's the same lesson that we learn from kindergarteners when they're asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?". DREAM BIG! We had Jerry Savelle at church a few weeks ago, and ever since then, I'm just daring to dream big! My God is a BIG God, He has BIG plans for me, all I have to do is dare to believe that He just might do them! So put on your capes, and your big girl (or boy) panties, and DREAM BIG, watch what God can do with it!!!

hungry.

2011-06-17T19:23:00.000-07:00

Callen is my big baby. He waited the longest to be born and weighed 7lbs 5 oz. From there he only ever went up, up, up. At his 1 year appointment he was a sturdy 23.5 lbs. He can barely wear 18 month clothes, even in a disposable diaper. He fits with ease into Darin's 2T and 3T bottoms. And this is why, the boy likes to eat. No need to ask if he's hungry.... he is.

2011-06-17T19:08:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I'm at it... Again. I thought about switching to wordpress....again. I even opened a page. I've decided one day when I'm wickedy successful, someone else will do all my blog editing for me. Or maybe one day, I'll actually figure out how to make it do what I want it to do..... Mmmm. One. day.

The afters.

2011-06-06T12:58:00.000-07:00

Here's my little mister Callen. Oh, how I love this little man! He got his first haircut on Saturday. And in 20 minutes he turned from my baby to this little toddler man (who refuses to actually toddle), and I may have gotten a tad teary.

We bought the boys a pool. A small, plastic one. Fits perfectly on our deck which works well, and keeps grass out of it (which means I don't have to replace the water AS often). Callen wasn't a huge fan, at first. He cried, but then he loved it. Now I can barely keep him out of the pool! Anyway, that's what most of these are from. The ones that aren't in the pool are from when we went ot the softball fields so Matt and Darin could fly their helicopter.

Saturday-ness.

2011-06-04T20:12:00.000-07:00

Here's some random thoughts and pictures. Just because I'm tired and should go to bed, and I just don't wanna get off the couch. Yes, I'm too lazy to actually go to bed. At least right now. Especially since bed means having to wake Sawyer up, fix Sawyer a bottle (although, I'd probably switch those up and prepare the bottle BEFORE I woke him up), go upstairs, get in my jammies, do all of my pre-bedtime routine and that just all seems like work. Blogging? Not work.

2 very exciting things happened today.

After we went to Tread lifegroup (a walk/run lifegroup our church has! It's awesome, Matt pushes the double jogger, I push the single and he runs, I walk. 3 miles. It's fun. I want to start running. I don't know why. I'm no runner, but Matt is, and I like doing things he likes doing, simply because then we could do them together). Callen and I hit up the mall. I got a haircut and color, and he got his very first haircut. It was time for his comeoverish Conan O'Brian hair to go.

That's Megan. She's awesome. And not just as a hair styling/cutting genius. But as a woman of God. We go to church with her.

I'll post after pictures tomorrow, when my camera card isn't upstairs.

When we got home. I checked the mail, and found something very exciting, so instead of getting the mail out of the mail box, I went and got my camera first. This needed photographing.

Why yes folks. That is a wedding invitation. My baby sister is getting MARRIED! eeek! Very exciting. I immediately went inside, filled out our response card and marched it back to the mailbox. You know, just in case she thought we WEREN'T coming.... (I'm the Matron of honor, so that was a joke, just in case you wondered).

Well.... I'm out of new pictures and Sawyer has decided to bypass the "wake Sawyer up" part of what needs to be done before bed. So, it's time to feed him and get my hiney in bed!!!

Summer is here.

2011-06-02T19:09:00.001-07:00

Summer is HERE! Today we had an 80 degree day (I think the high was 82) and it was UH-MAZE-ING. I loved every second. We spent at good 3 hours outside, just soaking up every ounce of warmth. As the kids played, I enjoyed taking pictures, taking every moment I can to practice! I've been told the light in SD can be nice, so I figured I might as well TRY to work with it ;P
I also got bored some, and set the self timer. I am in love with what I captured. So here ya go.
ENJOY!

Callen and I played a few rounds of peek a boo! It's a favorite, you know, if you ever want to win Callen's heart quickly!

POPSICLES! I told you, it IS summer! <3

Callen, is my sensitive child, and I'm working on embracing it. I really am. But right now, I'd like to you admire the progression of a Callen sensitivity "outbreak". Starts with "no one look! I'm distraught" then moves to "how could you?!" and then ends with "wait!! No one is watching me?!"
and I'm in love. I have no true words for how happy these 2 shots make me. a year ago, Darin wouldn't of gotten on a swing to save his life. Now, he's embracing it!

Remembering.

2011-05-30T18:31:00.000-07:00

Growing up in a military family, Memorial day was always more than extra day off from school. It was more than cook outs, more than the kick off to the summer. There was always a name attached to Memorial day, always a family to remember, a family who was without a parent, a brother, a sister, a friend.

I remember the last name Gruber. A Marine pilot, who died in an Osprey crash in the 90's. Mrs. Gruber was my sister's kindergarten teacher (and ironically enough, one of her college professors as well!!). I remember back in 2005, my dad speaking at church on Memorial day. He had just spent 7 months in Iraq, and had friends/colleagues (whose names escape me right this second) that changed his entire perspective of Memorial day. This memorial day, I can't help but think about Chrissy. A friend who lost her boyfriend just last September.

Those are the names that make Memorial day, Memorial day. They're the ones that died so we can have cook outs, and summer kick off parties. They're the ones that died to protect everything we hold dear. And for that, we spend Memorial day, remembering.

Taken this afternoon, on my coffee table, sitting 90 degrees to our large upstairs window. I like the shadow and how it shows in this b/w.

A- 4yrs old.

2011-05-28T19:10:00.000-07:00

I did a photo shoot. Oh my goodness, how I love being behind the camera and capturing moments like this. Sweet 4 year old butterfly kisses.

I'm so excited to finally be at a point in our life, where I can comfortably start my buisness building process. Right now, I'm building my portfolio, getting lots of practice, and when we move early next year, we'll be setting everything up for me to be officially official!

You may notice, that I'm not using "Just Because Photography"; I wanted my name to be a part of my business name, so I went with plain & simple "Kassondra Hamilton Photography" I'll be advertising myself as a just because photographer. The phrase, just because, means a lot to me, and is a big part of who I am. My Memaw (mom's mom) used to do all sorts of amazing things for us and when we'd ask why, she'd always say "just because" and I want that attitude in my photography. I want people to book photoshoots, just because. I want to capture those just because moments, those ones you do, just because you want to!! Even if there is no special reason whatsoever!

I'm blessed, and I feel blessed. We had a speaker at church, a few weeks back, and he spoke about how "if you don't quit, you win"; and how we lose sight and confidence in the dreams that God has given us. And when we lose sight of those things, we lose confidence and then we drizzle out and stop doing the things we were called to do! "If you don't quit, you win!" It was exactly what I needed that morning, and I'm so excited to see where God takes me in this journey!

It's Thursday.

2011-05-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

And I had to post a picture of Darin, because it is oh so totally him. I recently saw a shot similar to this on pinterest, of a boy and his matchbox cars (or maybe they were hot wheels? Did you know there are like 3 million cars at the store? yeah. there are...lots of different brands too!)
I can't find the link currently because my computer is being nice to me.

Darin has a thing for dinosaurs. All kinds of dinosaurs. And he LOVES the show on PBS, Dinosaur Train. Over the past 4 or 5 months, he's collected a large collection of dinosaurs, and when I saw the cars, I knew I could recreate it with dinosaurs. Some of Darin's dinos are missing... I'm sure I'll find them one night with the bottoms of my feet :P (Dinosaur tails, hurt...Just in case you didn't know).

This is SO Darin, right now. I love everything about this. His eyes, his smile, even the way the light goes in the picture. I love it. It makes me smile, and one day I'll look at this and see my little boy and miss those pointy dinosaur tails.

t.o.a.t. {ten on ALMOST tuesday)

2011-05-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

1. It's been a while since I did one of these, huh?

2.

While I much prefer the view of the ocean, our drive from southeastern South Dakota to central Minnesota, is beautiful. One day soon, these fields will be full of yummy yummy sweet corn!

3.

Sawyer Philip got to meet his namesake Uncle Phil. Is it still a namesake, if it's a middle name? Either way, they got to meet. Uncle Phil still blesses us beyond measure with the wonderfulness of his friendship.

4.

Sawyer was immediately in love. Not that I expected anything other than that.

5. Darin is tall and skinny. Case & point

These 3T pants were too long and too wide on him at Christmas. Now they're still too wide, but starting to get on the short side. Funny thing is they're the adjustable waist on the smallest setting, my guess is this fall, he'll be in 4T, for the length alone!

6. Somebody let Darin turn into a little boy. He's no longer a toddler. He's a little boy! And he is most definitely all boy. He loves riding the 4 wheeler with grandpa.

7.

This man is 3 months old. THREE WHOLE MONTHS! I can't believe he has gotten so big, so fast!

8.

This little man. Oh this sweet sweet little man. Still not walking, much too lazy. And that's okay with me.

9. I kind of lied, he walks. 4 or 5 steps occasionally, when he wants to, no time else. He won't walk to you if you're trying to get him too, or bribing him with food. Only when HE wants too.

10. I'm participating in the Hello Mornings challenge. Also, referred to as Maximize your Mornings. Morning 1 was a complete fail. My alarmS didn't go off. BOTH alarms, failed to go off! Day 2, Sawyer decided to wake up at 5:30 and decided that he would completely fall apart at 6. So I got up and fed him, and just stayed up. I was going to wake up at 6:30 anyway. I THOUGHT I would do it in 15 minute increments starting at 6:30 and working my way to 5:45 or 6. Yeah. Kids have different ideas, huh?

I will say that I felt WONDERFUL today. I had a short stent of nauseasness/tiredness at about 9:30, but it passed and onward with our day we went. I'm still excited, and ready for tomorrow!

Motherhood.

2011-05-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

I've never entered an Iheartfaces contest, but my friend Diana suggested that I do. So I did, or am now :P That sentence was so gramatically ridiculous, it's hardly funny. Love me anyway.

Anyway, the theme this week is Motherhood. And Diana even suggested the perfect picture for it. It's my favorite picture ever. It's grainy, and yet so captures the moment and the feelings involved in Callen's birth. I'm so incredibly grateful to have captured this moment. The moment I felt my heart so full it could explode. Never in a million years, did I imagine it could grow even more full, and yet the day Sawyer was born, it did.

Anyway, I present to you, my entry for Motherhood.

Happy Mother's Day.

2011-05-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

Matt and I are so completely blessed with the best moms in the world. I cannot even begin to explain how thankful we are for them, they are so freakin' awesome, and words just can't express how much they mean to us. So instead I'll show you some pictures.

Moms at our wedding, November 12, 2005.

The moms with Darin, April 2008

Somewhere,there is a picture of the moms with Callen as an infant, somehow that picture is not in my possession. So instead, I give to you, Callen's first birthday party, and their own self portraits :P

And the moms with Sawyer March 2011.

Both of our moms are just plain MOM to us. When they're together their Mom Rhonda & Mom Theresa. It's such a blessing to not have to worry about the whole in law title. We are so incredibly blessed.

And Moms if one of you has the missing picture of you guys and Callen, can I get it pretty please?!?!

2011-05-04T15:32:00.000-07:00

that's not all the changes. I just wanted to get a new header up and matching background :P

much love til' next week :P

New stuff coming!

2011-05-04T06:41:00.000-07:00

Obviously my blog needs an upgrade, the header is missing a vital member of our family! I'm slowly working on getting everything together, and will have new posts and new pictures and a new pretty blog soon :P Soon being next week, we're going to MN this weekend, it'll be so nice to have a break and just relax some. Just enjoy the family, I'm just sad Matt won't be able to join us. Poor guy has mini boot camp, and will spend his only day off this weekend, driving the 5 hours back home!!

Welp, there's a child currently tying himself up in my yarn collection, so I need to rescue my yarn. I mean, my son :P

Our first Easter as a family of 5.

2011-04-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

We were "all alone" this Easter, in the sense that we were not with the Hamilton or Miller families. It was only our 2nd holiday without family (the first being July 4, 2010). Except July 4th you can kind of "fake" dinner, and just do easy stuff. Easter dinner is important! I'm talking ham, all the fixins, ROLLS!! Yikes, that's a lot on the plate of a girl!

We woke up and spent the morning at our wonderful, wonderful (wonderful, wonderful) church! It was so nice to be surrounded by our church family and be able to worship. That's the entire reason for the whole holiday!! I had a friend snap a picture of our family before we left!

Dang, we look good! (at least I think we do... Sawyer wasn't having the whole "wake up and look friendly while they take my picture" thing... Oh well!)

When we got home, the boys opened their baskets, we ate lunch and then the boys all took naps.

I'm not gonna lie, Sawyer had a basket... And I put things he already owned in it. I'm a bit cheap, and let's face it: HE DIDN'T CARE!! He slept through the basket opening anyway.

After naps, I hid some eggs (we don't do the whole easter bunny thing, I don't think that some bunny deserves the credit for my hard work buying gifts.)
Check out the fact that we HAVE GREEN GRASS!!!!!!

Seven Randoms

2011-04-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

1. We participated in the Great Cloth Diaper Change World Record Attempt today. Sawyer, Callen, Matt and myself (they had a play area for too tall, yet still diapered because he could care less about the toilet, Darin)

2. The boys got certificates, see:

3. Sawyer seems to think he's an only child. He's so much more needy than my other boys. Not that I mind giving in to his needs, I love snuggling... but it's hard to snuggle when Darin is tackling Darin..... And I'd love to be able to set him down so that I could get things accomplished.

4. Homeboy is 10 weeks old tomorrow, and still not sleeping through the night ( I count a night as 8 hours.) Both of my other boys by 10 weeks were doing AT LEAST 8 hours. This every 4 is killing me.

5. Last night he gave me a 6 hour stretch. I almost cried I was so excited (I blame the exhaustion).

6. I'm knitting a fox hat. If it turns out well, I'm hoping to offer them for sale.

7. I'm trying to find an online congo or a physical store (locally) to sell my handknits at. I know I'm a good knitter, and I know my things could make money, if I find the right outlets.

The end. Tomorrow is Easter, and I hope to post lots of pictures of our fun, and tell you what we did to teach Darin about the ultimate sacrifice. Eggs are fun, "prizes" (presents, Darin calls them prizes) are fun, but HIS sacrifice is what makes Easter what it is. I'm so grateful for a Saviour who was willing to give His life for my own. So thankful for a God, who sent HIS son for me. So grateful.

what a difference,

2011-04-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

Confession: If you have read this blog for ANY period of time, you know I HATE winter. Well, guess what folks. Spring has now entered my seasons of dislike. Well, spring in the north has. Spring in the south, I like. On April 12th, I posted this to facebook (via cell phone, ignore quality!) We took all 3 boys to the park, Darin played and played and played, Callen crawled and played on the swing, and Sawyer just laid in the shade of the carseat enjoying the beautiful sunshine & warmth. Then, it started raining on Wednesday and got colder and colder and colder, until last night, we got this.

Yes. 5 days, and we go from 76 degrees of sunshine and beautiful warmth (SHORTS!!!) to 30 degrees and freakin' snow! I checked the forecast for the next 10 days, and while it will start warming up again, we've got 10 days of rain. I'm confident that the exact weather report said "Dear Kassi Hamilton; we the weathermen of the world hate you"

or something like that.

While I'm talking about ridiculous weather, holy crap, Jacksonville had tornadoes and lots of them! I am so incredibly grateful for the safety of my friends & family. God truly had his hands wrapped around them! If you want to see pictures, go to www.jdnews.com. I've seen pictures of destruction before, but this is my HOME, I know these places. I've driven by these places. And it literally hits way closer to home than I'm comfortable with.

Please keep the residents of Jacksonville, North Carolina; and all the surrounding cities & states that were devestated by these tornadoes in your prayers.

Neeeeed for Spring.

2011-03-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

I am desperately in need of spring. Winter is depressing. I know there is a reason for winter, I know it serves a purpose and all that other jazz. But it is far too long of a season! Not to mention, that it's COLD and blah, and ick and gray and yucky. So, I read THIS blog, and she pointed me to this. Sounds like fun, huh?

Three{plus one} on Thursday.

2011-03-31T12:38:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know three plus one is four.... but Four on Thursday sounded silly... Probably less silly than three plus one, but hey, it's not like ya'll come around here because I'm normal :P

Mommy and her big boys.

Picture frenzy.

2011-03-27T10:58:00.000-07:00

Not a lot of words, just lots of pictures. Playing catch up.

While I was still in my own room at the hospital (before I was discharged and I moved into the NICU). The big boys with their Uncle Kyle.

Unicorn baby!!!

The night before we broke free. IV FREE!!!

The day I stole my baby from the NICU. Just kidding, although after having to be buzzed in and out everytime I left the hall, it FELT like I was stealing him! LOL.

First day home with ALL of my boys!

The first time Daddy held him!!!

DANCE PARTY with my little rock star :-) He LOVES his "get-tar"

Next post: Birthday Party & THIS dude turns ONE YEAR OLD!!!

Project Five Two: Week 7

2011-02-21T19:37:00.001-08:00

Week 7 Theme: "Broken"

Note: You may notice a lack of week 6.. Um, yeah a "Vehicle" picture was not taken, nor submitted. I was kind of busy :P

So, I've spent the past 8 days on floor 3 of the Surgical Towers of USD Sanford Medical Center at the Boekelheide Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. So, yeah, my stream of conciousness was aimed at what was happening in my life.

For the past 8 days, my family has been broken, split. Emotionally fragile and physically seperated. It was terrible. Emotionally, I'm still fragile, but PRAISE GOD we are now home. My family is no longer broken (although, my poor husband is still down and out! More doctors appointments tomorrow and hopefully more answers as to why he still in so much pain) and we are together and whole. Little Sawyer man is doing amazingly well, and working on getting stronger and bigger every day.

Now, I present to you. Broken.

NICU mom. Part 1

2011-02-20T12:05:00.001-08:00

When Darin was born, he spent some time in the newborn nursery. And I thought that was rough. And well, it was. It's never easy seeing your baby hooked to a million machines.
Shortly after Sawyer was born, they noticed that he was breathing really fast, and hard.

You can kind of see in this picture, where his ribs are, at the bottom, there is a little round spot.

So they took him to the newborn nursery and decided to put him on an oxygen canula (think "old man" oxygen. LOL. That's I described it to Matt). After 2 hours in the newborn nursery, he was still having a hard time breathing, so they brought him to the NICU. Now, I'm an avid blog reader, and most of my favorites that aren't photography related all, are ones like "Pray for Coy" (who was born December 2007, his due date was March 2008) or "Steeces Pieces" (following the life of a Quad momma). So I've READ about the NICU, I've had friends who've had children born prematurely that have had to spend time in the NICU, but never did I imagine MY child would be the one IN the NICU. I don't know why, but it's just not some place I ever thought we'd be. Not that we're better than anyone, and I don't believe that there is anything you do to "deserve" NICU time or "not deserve" it. It just happens, and I never thought it'd happen to us. And I will add on to it, our NICU stay has been blessed and praise the Lord, not nearly as long as it COULD of been. So far, we've been here for 7 days. We'll hopefully be discharged tomorrow.

They brought him into the NICU, and hooked him up on a CPAP machine. See? I called it his elephant nose.

He was on CPAP until Wednesday Feb 16th. Then he was moved to "old man oxygen". He had to stay in the incubator while on the oxygen. I hated having to stick my hands through those small little windows. All I really wanted to do was pick him up and love him something fierce! I was able to hold him much more often! And he started taking milk! We started with 10ccs, and he did GREAT!

That's it for now. We've still got Thursday to Sunday to cover :P It's been a VERY long week, but Praise God he is good and HIS mercies endure forever!

Welcoming Sawyer.

2011-02-20T11:53:00.001-08:00

Well, it's been an...um...eventful few weeks at the Hamilton household. (see my last post).
THE VERY VERY VERY GOOD PART is I didn't end up laboring, delivering or even riding in an ambulance :P Instead, I drove myself to the hospital.LOL.

To say the very least. Saturday was spent doing a very large amount of nothing. Matt was (and still is) in a lot of pain in his back. So we literally spent the day laying around. At 530, I dropped the boys off at church, because we had paid for them to participate in the youth programs "Pajammin' with Jesus" party, also known as Valentine's Date Night! Instead of a date, I picked up some Qdoba burritos and we ate them while watching "Life as we know it" (super cute, MUST watch!). I'd been having a lot of pain in my stomach area, near my scar from my previous c-sections and Friday night and all day Saturday it just seemed to worsen. At about 10:30 I went and picked up the boys from church. I'm so thankful for the 2 youth boys who carried Darin and the diaper bag to the car for me. I know I wouldn't of been able to get them both out there all alone because Darin was not excited about having to leave his friends at church! By the time we got home, the once very hyper Darin was SOUND asleep! I was able to get him out of the carseat, and into his bed without him waking up. I don't think that's happened since he was a baby baby in the carrier seat! Callen was wide awake, so I gave him a small bottle and he played with daddy on the floor for a few minutes. Once he was in bed, I went back downstairs and questioned whether or not I should take myself to be checked. I even asked my CW friends what they would do. After weighing all options, I decided that coming into L&D just to be checked would be best. And since both boys were asleep, I wouldn't have to worry about Matt needing to do anything. I got the hospital and they brought me up to L&D. I was put in a triage room, and hooked up to the monitors. Some contractions, not a lot. Sawyer's heartrate sounded good. I did a few tests and
the nurse tried to check my cervix, but it was still high and she couldn't feel it. I was in TON of pain at this point. Right along my incisional area would scream in pain everytime I moved from the waist down, and I couldn't stand up straight. The doctor on call, spoke with my doctor and they decided that I should probably stay to be observed (I'd say overnight, but it was 1 or 2 am at this point). They gave me some morphine, and it took the edge off IF I didn't move. But as soon as I moved, it would hurt just as badly as it had pre-morphine. The next time they offered the morphine, I declined (at that point,I'm still figuring they'll send me home sometime on Saturday, in which case I would need to be able to drive, so morphine+driving would = bad). They did an ultrasound to check my incision, and make sure that it wasn't seperating or tearing, since that is where the pain was. Then Sawyer decided to play tricks on us. His heart rate SHOT up. I was on the phone with my mom at the time.
My nurse came in, then 3 other nurses came in. They called the doctor and we started getting things ready, just in case they decided it was time. Consent forms were signed.

Now, let me pause the birth story, and fill you in and other things. Matt was at home ALONE with the boys. I had called my mother in law, Theresa, when I was admitted, and she woke up early the next morning and left for our house. She got to our house, right about the time it was decided that I would need a c-section. She had arrived and gotten the boys dressed and fed, and taken care of Matt. They rushed up to the hospital, phones calls were made, church family worked miracles and came to get Darin & Callen, and off I went into a c-section. Since Matt couldn't stand or sit (he HAS to be flat on his back or on his stomach) Theresa came into the operating room with me. Everything went flawlessly and at 2:25PM Sawyer Philip made his introduction, with a head FULL of hair! I never thought I'd have a baby with hair! Darin and Callen were bald! But Sawyer has hair, and soft, spikey AWESOME hair at that!

When my doctor did rounds the next morning, he DID say that my uterine wall was paper thin, which based on the pressure of the baby's head, and positioning would of caused a great deal of pain. His guess is it just hadn't had enough time to thicken up between Callen & Sawyer, which I would totally agree with, seeing as they are 11 months and 1 day apart in age!

Then, I became a NICU mom. The kind of mom, I never in a million years thought I would be. I'll fill you in on that it my next post, and post pictures for you to see our journey.

Introducing

2011-02-14T16:34:00.000-08:00

Mr. Sawyer Philip Hamilton
Born Feb 13, 2011 at 2:25pm
6 lbs 6 oz
19 1/4 inches long

I'm working on his birth story now. Then I'll fill you in on all of the other "fun stuff" that's happened in the past 8 days.

Life is messy. Why ME God? and other ramblings.

2011-02-09T11:21:00.001-08:00

Be warned; this is long and pictureless. Although, if you stick around and read the whole post, or just decide to ignore all of my ramblings (totally an option) you can scroll to the bottom and watch the funniest video of Darin EVER.

I'll spare you pictures of my house.... for now. But our life is MESSY right now. Not just, 2 small children messy. But 2 year olds who think that every ounce of clothing, every toy and everything he's not supposed to touch in his closet should be on his floor. All of his wall letters, on the floor. The 2 canvases I painted for his room? On the floor. Dirty clothes hampers? Poured out onto the floor (mixed in with the clean clothes, of course). I haven't washed a dish besides baby bottles in 2 days. The Arby's we ate last night on our way home from a 4 hour jaunt at the Sanford Hospital Emergency room? Still sitting on my counter. The decorations I hung for our Valentine's day "party" with Moms of Toddlers? Fallen, and just laying messily around wherever they landed when they fell. It's MESSY, here. I plan on cleaning it all. I really do. But right now, I'm just telling you how it is. Life is messy, and THAT'S OKAY.

Two weeks ago, we found out that Matt was diagnosed with diabetes. We're unsure if it's type 1 or type 2. The medicine he was put on is for Type 2, but Matt attended a class last night, and the instructor of the class called his doctor today and the instructor thinks it's Type 1. More testing tomorrow is in Matt's future. Either way, the doctor is pretty sure that after 2 months of medicines to get it under control, we should be able to control it via diet. So I may complain some about that, here. Just so you know. It's a blessing in disguise, at least that's how I'm taking it. Diabetes is a generational curse in both of our families. And it's stronghold is no longer welcome. We will no longer allow it to take control of our lifes or the lifes of our children or our children's children. We'll be making lifestyle changes that involve healthier diets with more vegetables and more WHOLE foods, cutting out a lot of the processed crap we've been pouring into our bodies.

This week has been...um, fun? Maybe? Wednesday I had my 36 week doctors appointment. Weight gain is good, did the step B test, and then the doctor checked my cervix. I questioned the necessity of it, and should of stuck to my guns, but I didn't and let him check anyway (with the promise that he would NOT check again--and he won't be! Next person to come anywhere near my cervix is getting kicked in the face.... okay, probably not, but still!). Since my appointment, I've been having mild, unconsistent contractions and a lot of pain. It hurts to walk, or stand up after sitting for too long, and rolling over in bed feels like well, I'm not sure what it feels like, but it HURTS. I don't think I've ever experienced a consistent pain like this. It's not as painful as when my ovary died last year, but it's up there in painful experiences.

So, remember that. Now fast forward to Thursday. Matt's back is in so much pain that he can hardly walk. He came home and by 8:30 was fast asleep on the couch. I yelled at him for not helping me more with the boys, and send him to bed. Looking back, I shouldn't of yelled. I've apologized. Friday, he couldn't go to work. He could barely move. He figured out how to get himself downstairs and into the guest bed, while I hosted Moms of Toddlers upstairs. Once everyone had left, I packed up the boys in the car, made sure I had my double stroller, I may or may not have taken the crib and crib mattress out of the back of the car, you'll never know for sure mom :P And if I HAD done that, I certainly promise that I didn't actually carry it anywhere,and that I slid it across the icy garage floor. (No really! it's heavy, there's no way I could of carried it if I wanted too!). So we get to the ER about 2pm. It's not busy at all, and they immediately put Matt in a room (like a private room with a door. Which worked out wonderfully being that I had 2 small children in tow). After all the registration hullabulu, and the nurse asking a million questions, the doctor came in, asked the same million questions and decided that since there was no accident or falls or anything that would cause the physical pain, that we would skip the MRIs and xrays, and go straight to bloodwork. He thought it might be a build up of electrolytes (or a lack of electrolytes... but I can't remember, I could only half listen because I was occupying the attentions of the children. LOL) due to the diabetes and the new medicines he's on. So we did the blood work. They gave him a dose of some narcotic for pain via IV. After about 45 minutes, they had him try to stand up, it still hurt just as badly as before. I'm not sure he even got both feet to the ground before it started hurting. So he layed back down, and a few minutes later they brought him an oral medicine, and then a few minutes later had him take a walk down the hallway. He got about halfway and it started hurting. By the time he got back to the room and in bed, it was pretty painful, but had at least taken the edge off.

We waited and waited and waited (okay, not THAT long. Our total ER trip was 4 hours from arrival to discharge, but with the boys it seemed a tad longer) for the bloodwork results to come back. His electrolytes are fine. So the doctor thinks that since Matt started working out more, that he's pinched a nerve. They gave him the option of staying in the hospital and being on painkillers, or coming home and being on bedrest and painkillers. He chose to come home.

The boys were UH-MAZE-ING at the ER. Really. Darin is a 2 year old. And I can't expect him to act like a 30 year old (although I really could of done without doing the full sprint down the hallway. Ever seen an almost 37 week pregnant woman run at a full sprint? Oh yeah. Fun stuff.) Callen sat in the stroller the whole time. He played with toys, and smiled, and played.

So now Matt is on the couch laying flat on his back. Darin is running around playing with his toys (and all the mess). Callen is napping (greatest baby EVER) and I am blogging, and dreading the time when I have to stand up because it's going to hurt because I know it's going to. This morning, I threw a very nice 'WHY ME GOD?' style fit. Complete with me throwing my hands to the skies (I always have been a tad dramatic). But I know it's not God testing us or doing any of this to us. Things happen. Life happens, and sometimes it all seems to happen at the same time. And that's just that. Life is life, and sometimes it's messy.

My biggest prayer is that I don't go into labor. With Matt being on all of his pain killers, most of them with labels that say "do not drive or operate heavy machinery", I'm fairly confident my only option would be an ambulance ride. And I'm not super duper thrilled at that thought. Although, New News would have one hell of a birth story! LOL. Just playing. For real, I don't think New News will come on his own, and will be born with no issue on Feb 28th, 2011 just as planned.
The end. Now for that funny video.

Bob snack tea. Dance Parties. Life.

2011-02-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

You know, by just looking at pictures, I'm pretty sure you would think we spend all day everyday in pajamas. But as I write that, I realize.... WE DO! Except for Fridays when we go to Moms of Toddlers (MOTS) and Sundays when we go to church... and the occasional errand or doctors appointment, we spend a lot of time in jammies, or the boys spend it in diapers/pull ups or naked. It's life, and I LOVE it. Right now, I'm getting to the point where I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable and getting out of the house with the 2 boys is difficult, especially when you consider Callen can't walk and has to be carried. If it were summer, I'd probably wear him a ton more and not really have the same problems, but in all the layers we have to wear, I'm not sure that's possible. Anyway. Here are some pictures of our daily lives.

Darin likes to play with his kitchen. Here, you can see, he was steeping some "bob snacks" for tea. Or at least, I assume that's why the "bob snacks" (Veggietale fruit snacks) are in the tea pot. The cup I had was very tasty.

We have dance parties. Everyone should have dance parties. And please don't forget the most important part of dance parties.... dancing half naked on the coffee table. Well, if you're 2. If you're older than that, then well... I'll try not to judge :P And just in case you DIDN'T know... We're white folk. We have NO rhythm. Not one ounce. But we sure do know how to have fun! Darin LOVES to dance, and I love to watch him. I'm not sure where he learned, but it's super duper cute and I love it. We have fun :-)

These next few are of Callen. The same day we steeped bob snack tea. They were taken in the toy room area of our basement, so lighting isn't all that great. I have to rely mainly on overhead lights and what very little sun comes through the back window. They're kind of blurry and very grainy, but this big man is FAST, and makes it difficult to catch him with a camera!

So there! Bob Snack Tea, Table Top Dance Parties, and LIFE. I am so in love with these 2 boys and I am so excited to see the men they grow in to!

mornings made of greatness.

2011-02-07T11:38:00.000-08:00

ever have one of those mornings? not the ones that require 12 cups of coffee. wait, no that's all mornings... let me start over. the mornings that are just great. mornings where you cuddle, and laugh and smile and ENJOY (while you drink said 12 cups of coffee).

today we had a morning made of greatness. full of cushion mountains, and toddlers yelling "ta da" as they reach the top, right before they jump off towards a pile of more cushions and the ottoman. it was the kind of morning that just made me smile and enjoy it.

AND just because I'm blessed and feel the need to point it out, notice my kudzu style laundry? yeah... I still haven't figured out how to get it to fold itself, but my AMAZINGLY AWESOME husband folded it ALL. ALL of it! My dryer is EMPTY. I told you, he's freakin' awesome.

Now, let's get onto the cushion mountain & climbing :-)

Callen was present. Full of snuggles and laughs... And trying to eat my camera. See?

And LOOK at those monster thighs? He's going to be bigger than Darin in NO time. For breakfast this morning, Darin ate 3 bites of a pancake. Callen had 2 mini pancakes and an entire regular size pancake.... It's a good thing Darin is fast & nimble He'll need it to escape Callen!

Diaper info: premium sized prefold with infant snappi in a jelly roll fold. My rolls were kind of loose. I DID tuck them in a little tighter. We've never had leaks with this fold.

Project Five Two: Week 5

2011-02-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

Original Assignment:
This week's assignment is fairly simple...and very broad. I just want you to capture sunflare. It can be an image of a person...or of something else. There are many methods to capturing sunflare...and there are many 'interpretations' of sunflare...so I'm excited to see what you all do for this week!

I didn't DARE say anything to Sandi, but this week had me SKURRRED. Why? Well, because here in South Dakota, we get very little sun in the winter. LOL. I had an idea, and I was going to rock it to the best of my vitamin D lacking abilities, but then I got this email

UPDATE for the Week FIVE Assignment...for those of you who didn't see it posted on Facebook this morning...I am changing the assignment this week. I'm sorry to anyone who has already worked on sunflare today, but it was brought to my attention...a dozen times today! LOL!...that half of the country is covered in snow and the sun is nowhere to be found! So...we'll do sunflare later on...and for Week Five we're going to do self portraits again. It's that time again anyway. So...the self portrait assignment this week is to photograph yourself either with something you love, doing something you love, or showing something you love...but, the 'something you love' can not be other people...just YOU alone in the photograph. (Yes...you can have animals in the image).

Someone HAD told Sandi!!! So, my vitamin D lacking sunflare shot can wait, or perhaps it won't have to and by the time we DO have a sunflare assignment I can rock it gracefully. I DOOO have an idea, and I'm excited to execute it eventually.

So self portrait with something I love. No people. That took the self portrait idea I have hiding in my brain out of play. (I WILL capture this specific image of myself, and I'm sooo excited to do so!) Then it hit me. I knew exactly what to do. I wanted to capture me, and my true life. Not the most graceful, not the most elegant, but real and me. With no people. Here's what I got:

and this is my actual submission

Me. Knitting. Surrounded by pattern books, my laptop, and clean laundry that never seems to learn to fold itself. I love so much about my life. I love knitting, it relaxs me when laundry piles up and starts to grow like kudzu on my couch. The 2 images are practically identical, except I tilted my head in the 2nd one, and I liked that best. My ONLY regret with weeks image is WHY THE HECK DIDN'T I SMILE?!?! What it wrong with me? Next selfie, I'm gonna be a smiling fool. And then I'll probably wish that I hadn't smiled at all :P

And just because you are going to HAVE to. You need to check out this blog. She's going to post her submission for week 5 on Monday (Feb 7) and you're gonna wanna see it. TRUST ME! I don't even know where to begin in how freakin' awesome Diana is. Really. She is such an amazing wife, mom and friend. Her photography amazes me, and even though we're pretty much the same age, I wanna be like her when I grow up. I wish I could put into words how much I love her, but it would come out all jumbled and probably just leave you confused. So I'll say, I love her and I am so grateful to have her in my life. And remember to CHECK HER BLOG, and see her freakin' awesome self portrait. And then laugh when you compare hers and mine. :P

Apple Valley Natural Soaps & a giveaway

2011-02-02T17:31:00.001-08:00

http://inashoe.com/2011/02/giveaway-apple-valley-natural-soap/#comment-43025

So, week before last, I recieved the SWEETEST package in the mail. It was from my dear dear friend, Diana. In the package were the most adorable Christmas tree ornaments, a sample of a shampoo bar, and a wool wash bar. The shampoo bar and wool wash bar are both all natural and made locally in Minnesota (Apple Valley, just in case you couldn't guess! Or if you're not from MN and have never heard of Apple Valley! LOL).

I was a little nervous (okay, maybe a lot nervous) about using the shampoo bar. Maybe I even considered NOT using it... But then I figured what the heck, might as well. It's just hair, right? OH EMM GEE, (oh God did I just type that?) I loved it! Now it's all gone and I'm sad.

And don't even get me started on how much I love the wool wash bar. So far, I've used it to wash 4 pairs of newborn socks and a pair of small longies. So soft, so fabulous (and I'll admit probably a lot better then just using baby soap :P).

Now, Life in a Shoe is hosting a giveaway! The prize?! 3 soaps of YOUR CHOICE!!! EEEEEEKKKK. Shampoo, face wash and more wool wash, here I come!!!!

Project Five Two Week 4: Motion & the fakerest fake of them all.

2011-01-30T20:20:00.000-08:00

This week's assignment was motion. I set out with a few grand ideas (as always! LOL) and finally settled on this one. I think I took it on Tuesday, shortly after I had read hte assignment. There are several things I look at and think "well, I could of done better" but I like the realness of it. I wish the car was rightside up, but in all actuality I love that it's upside down. It tells this story of a car that has flipped, and in this weird way, I see a face (anyone else see it?) and it looks sad, and I think "well, yeah, I'd be sad if I couldn't flip over too!" and I feel like the sad face captures the (e)motion of the actual motion happening. Yes, I'm reading far too much into this picture of a flipped over toy. You still love me, and you know it.

Speaking of sad faces, how pitiful is this little man?!

Trust me when I tell you, he's a faker. He can use and abuse the power of the bottom lip. I call it his "I can get my mommy to do whatever I want" face. It works almost every time. Okay, so it works every stinkin' time. I can't help it. I'm putty in his chubby little hands!

Pictures of the D Monster to come tomorrow :-) Maybe even a 35 week belly picture, if I actually plan my time well enough to attempt a non-mirror self portrait and can get the image I have in my head :-P Wish me luck.

Project Five Two: Week 3 & Streams of Nonsense

2011-01-23T13:59:00.000-08:00

I could sit here and list 18 trillion excuses as to why I did not photograph a stranger this week. 2 small children, large pregnant belly, arctic weather that stayed in the negatives for the majority of the week, not going out alone at all except to go to the doctor to determine that I have an extremely painful and uncomfortable infection....blah blah blah blah. I could go on, but I won't. Instead, I'll be completely honest and just say it did not happen.

I had grand plans, and I WILL make at least one of those plans come alive before the end of the year. Because I can't just "fail" a challenge (I didn't fail, life caught up with me this week, I refuse to see it as a failure!) and I'm going to do it. I can't just let the challenge sit unfulfilled. I can't. It'd eat me alive.

I'll fill you in on some fun developments around here. Darin can count to five, pretty well. He can use his fingers to show you 1, 4 and 5. 2 and 3 are kind of difficult. Callen's top 2 teefers came through. Finally, they've been barely peaking through for weeks now! He cuts teeth so well. Darin did too, but I'm always preparing myself for the worst. Callen is fully mobile. He won't crawl on all 4s, but can go from laying down to sitting up,to standing (using furniture or baby brother New News-i.e. my belly, for leverage) and can easily float around the furniture walking. As soon as he realizes how to balance, I'm pretty sure he'll be running marathons. My guess is that will happen sometime between the time I go in to the hospital to have New News and when my mom leaves. Yep. That's my guess. He still has the most delictable man boobies. He very often crawls around in nothing but a diaper and baby legs. I have a think for baby man boobs. Grown up moobs are gross, but when the subject is a 20something lb 10 month old, with fabulously fat thighs, and a dimpley bottom, moobs rock. I'm sad for the day when he outgrows his moobs and becomes a little boy. Although in the same breath I'm excited to see him grow! It's a terrible rock and hard place.

Darin is just, awesome. He's still most definitely 2. But we've learned more how to embrace 2 and not let it control us. I love watching his imagination bloom and seeing the little man he's becoming. Today, he picked up his toy kitchen phone (yes, our son plays with a toy kitchen. He also has a boy cabbage patch doll. Your point? He'll make an excellent husband, father and head of a household one day) said "hello?" then proceedd to have a very short, sweet conversation "Uh huh, yes. Okay. No. uh, huh. okay. bye" and then hung up.

I sorted my dresser and closet today. Without throwing away any tanktops, or long sleeve and only getting rid of short sleeve tops that I haven't worn in at least 2 summers, hanging clothes, and shoes... I have 3 trashbags FULL of clothes to go to goodwill. In one of those bags, there are 2 walmart bags full of baby things we don't use. (extra crib sheets, blankets, etc. Things we haven't used since Darin was baby! And probably didn't even use then!) It was slightly ridiculous to be completely honest. This fall, I'll sit down and sort through pants, long sleeve shirts and sweaters. Not to mention, as New News grows out of clothes we'll be making regular trips to sell things at Once Upon a Child! Craziness.

Babywearing {again}

2011-01-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

Elegant Mommy is a local Sioux Falls store {that also has a online shop, for my non-Sioux Fallian friends}. It's my go to shop for cloth diapering. They also have maternity consignment (which is nice! Maternity clothes are SPENDY!), breastfeeding supplies and all kinds of local handmade goodies!

They're hosting a giveaway! Check out their blog by visiting the link above. They didn't SAY to blog, but I can't figure out how to post a picture in the comments, so I'm blogging my favorite pictures here ;-) I have 2. One of each boy.

This is me and Darin (and Callen too! I was 18 weeks pregnant here!) We had traveled up to the Mississippi headwaters, and were going for a walk. I was wearing him in a rucksack carry via a woven wrap. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt, a sweater, a hat, and I was wearing a long sleeve shirt, a sweater and my father in laws jacket :-) We had a lot of fun. It was sooo much easier (and warmer, for BOTH of us!) than pushing a stroller!

And this. This is the very first time I ever wore Callen. He was less than 2 weeks old. You can still see me rockin' the maternity jeans ;-) Such a sweet moment snuggling my little man! I love the snuggles!

today. I am grateful.

2011-01-18T07:56:00.000-08:00

Some days I struggle with being grateful. In fact, a lot of days I'm a big whiney baby (just being honest here friends) and I'm sure I drive most people up the wall with my over the top whininess.

Pregnancy is not my favorite thing in the entire word (again, just being honest). If the stork really brought babies, I'd very much be okay with that. I mean, the first kicks are nice, but overall...I'm just not a fan. But last night as I lay awake from 3-6:45 tossing and turning and getting up to pee at least 4 times and at some point misplacing my glasses (where DID I put those things?!?) I was reminded of a time before Callen and a time before Darin. I started blogging after I was pregnant with Darin, so some of you may not know our story. We were married in November 2005. In May/June 2006, we decided that we wanted to start trying to get pregnant. So in July, we "got to work", I was 20 years old at the time, and looking back I would call myself wonderfully naive. Married couples didn't have trouble getting pregnant! They just got pregnant, heck most of the stories I heard were of couples who had never TRIED and were pregnant. 3 months go by... No pregnancy. 6 more months go by and I'm starting to worry. At the 6 month point, I was starting to feel like something was wrong-what were doing wrong? Sex makes babies, right? We were still newlyweds at this point, we were just celebrating our 1st Anniversary, so that wasn't our problem. At 8 months, I went to my doctor, I had{have} a history of terrible periods and I figured that it was causing at least SOME of our problems. My family practice doctor agreed, and off we went to an OBGYN. U/S and pelvic exams galore determined nothing, but the doctor was eager to help us. Matt was tested, and I was put on Clomid (read: the drug that comes straight from Satan. It's EVIL. It makes you crazy). I did clomid for 3 months, and then stopped (right before our year mark of trying). We had found out that Matt was deploying soon and I didn't want him to remember me as this lady with the clomid crazies. So we stopped "trying," and decided to just enjoy the time before he deployed and I knew that after a month or so of him being home, any doctor would be willing to help us. Well, just 10 short weeks before he deployed, we got pregnant. Exactly 13 cycles (12 months-I had an extra cycle in there because my body is weird) after we started trying, we were pregnant!

Okay, so what's with the story telling? Well, I have a point, I promise.

Last night as I tossed and turned and thought about how much I HATE being pregnant, I remembered our struggles to GET pregnant. If you had told me in the midst of that year that in 3.5 years time we would have THREE boys, I would of laughed at you to your face then gone home and cried hysterically because I couldn't have the faith for something so amazing. And yet, here I sit, watching the most beautiful 2.5 year old and this gorgeously awesome 10 month old play and wrestle and kiss and hug and pull hair. I sit here (still slightly uncomfortable--which is par for the course and totally allowed!) in awe of how great our God is and fully awake of my selfishness and ungrateful behavior over the past 33 weeks.

So I'm being grateful. I'm not promising that I WON'T complain, because honestly, everyone does it and it's OKAY, I believe it's allowed sometimes. But I'm going to be grateful for the uncomfortable kicks and pains and backaches and inability to sleep. Right before I finally fell asleep at 6:45 or 7, I just layed there, propped up in my millions of pillows that make me question if Matt even has ROOM on the bed, and soaked up every movement, no matter how uncomfortable and I enjoyed the little man in my tummy. Because in 6 weeks, he'll be on the outside and never again will I have the kicks from the inside (no, I'm not questioning my tubal. I'll still be having it.) and in 5 years I MIGHT miss it. In 5 years, I'm going to be in the midst of raising 3 crazy boys aging almost 5, almost 6, and almost 8 and I'm going to be even more so in awe of God and his awesomeness. In awe that he would take me from a place where I felt barren to a place where my heart and hands are so full that I sometimes feel like I'm going to explode.

God, YOU are good. Even when I have no faith that you can work miracles like me getting pregnant, even when I'm complaining because I'm pregnant AGAIN, tired and exhausted. YOU are good. Your mercies endure forever, and I am grateful.

Project Five Two: Week Two

2011-01-16T11:48:00.000-08:00

Week TWO Assignment
Black and White Images that show something that 'defines' you in some way...but does NOT include any people. So...something that shows a part of who you are or that is very personally important to you.

This week left me ridiculously puzzled. To the point where today (Sunday-assignments are due Monday at noon, so I've had since Tuesday and still as of noon today hadn't been happy with any of my ideas) I thought "you know, I'll just sit this week out" then I had this idea, that perhaps I could take something superficial and use it to define myself. And then I thought what would I use? And then it hit me. If you've known me for any length of time, you know I have a slight obsession with shoes. And when I say slight obsession, I mean I'm a shoe hoarder. Yes, I confessed it. Without going upstairs to the hall closet or master closet, I can easily tell you that I have AT LEAST 75 pairs, but I'm pretty sure it's more than that. I love shoes. Tall shoes, flat shoes, warm shoes, cold shoes, shoes that my back feel as if it's going to break in half, shoes that are so comfortable I decide that perhaps I could LIVE in them forever. I like shoes.

So I brought out a few of my favorites. Thought I would define myself using shoes. You can take and make whatever you want out of the styles I chose.. I like to think they say "comfortable, warm, loyal, faithful {those flip flops? I bought them for myself for my 17th birthday...I'll be 25 in March.} stylish, strong, and kinda of earthy."

This was my submission. I wanted an above shot, but even standing on a stool {sorry moms... yes, I'm 33 weeks pregnant standing on a barstool, I didn't fall, so you can't be THAT mad! :P} my 50mm1.8 just isn't wide enough. Maybe one day I'll get a 24 or 35. (hint hint: Matthew)

Snow Days, Crochets & a frozen flag

2011-01-13T21:32:00.000-08:00

I promised pictures, you know when I was ranting away about my personal feelings about winter. I'm better now. If you couldn't tell, I tend to be a little passionate... and emotional. In fact, I tend to be TOO emotional a lot of times. I'm thick headed, stubborn and I wear my heart on my sleeve for all the world to see. I'm working on getting better... well, I WAS working on getting better. Then I fell off the wagon. I need to start working again {on getting better, not like getting one of those job things... I have one. I work full time at home as a mom, and I don't have to pay taxes:-) } I also ramble. Just in case you never noticed.

So, snow days! Sunday and Monday we had "winter weather advisory" {it's windy, snowy and cold. All can be very dangerous alone, even more so combined. It really doesn't effect us that much though because we don't go out during the winter unless absolutely necessary, and Matt still has to go to work. So basically, a winter weather advisory just means a bunch of words that are of no assistance to us flashing across the bottom of the screen while we watch our nightly TV.}

Anyway, on Monday when Matt got home from work, he had to shovel the driveway, so that he could park in the driveway, so that when the snow plow came, our car wouldn't get towed or hit. {fact, once the snow plow comes, you have to REshovel, because the plow pushes all the snow to the side, which means all the snow in the middle of the road now sits on the end of your driveway. Winter is WORK. }

After a few minutes of watching daddy shovel (Darin did this all on his own! I was just lucky enough to catch it!)

Darin got a BRILLIANT idea stuck in his noggin. He wanted to go outside and he wanted to go NOW. He then revealed himself "ready to go".....

yeah, I'm thinking THAT'S not exactly snow appropriate.... Callen agreed (with the Hamilton eyebrow proudly flashing).

I then bundled everyone up appropriately in snowsuits, socks, PANTS {which really, I'm the only one during the day who wears them. With 2 in diapers, it's just easier for them to be pantless. They rock the baby legs, they rarely match, and I keep the house warm enough that they don't freeze.}

Shirts, Pants, Sweaters, Snowbibs, jackets, hats, and mittens were dawned by all, and out we went {that's a lot of work}.

Callen hung out in the stroller, in the garage

until I decided he needed to experience the snow. So out he went. See how tall it piles up? We really don't have THAT much {we have A LOT but not THAT much. Here it's really windy, so we get a lot of snow drifts. Our yard seems to be where a lot of the drifts meet}plus you have to consider that Matt was shoveling and it piles up on the edges. The pile at the edge of the driveway are as tall as I am.

Darin did not participate in 1 picture. Nope, I have not 1 picture of him looking even remotely in my direction.

See?

The next day I chose to use and abuse my power as mother & momtog to take pictures of Callen in our upstairs living room. He's modeling an owl hat made by a friend from high school who owns Simply Sweet Crochets. Check her out :-)

Did you know it's super hard to get a 10 month old to actually LOOK at you? I think his PCS has finally kicked in.... Goober. But dang, he's a cute goober. I lub him so much!

And last but not least. Our dear poor frozen flag. Frozen like this, until...... well, until the snow melts. We didn't notice that it had even gotten wrapped up there, and then all of a sudden we noticed it wasn't moving in the wind. It got wrapped up there, and then the next snow/ice that came froze it there. We're afraid if we pull on it, it'll rip.

So there you go. some pictures, and even more words.

ENJOY!

Confession & I'm grumpy rant.

2011-01-11T07:21:00.000-08:00

I have pictures to add here later. And I'm about to engage in the rant of a 32 week pregnant woman who hates winter. If you don't want to hear it, then don't read it. There's a red X in the top right hand corner :-) Or you can click here to go to the next post.

I get severely irritated when people in southern states complain about snow. I shouldn't because I know it's because they just don't see it that often. And I of all people, really understand because I HATE SNOW. But here I am stuck in the corner of a state that no one really even KNOWS about under 24 inches of snow and still having to DO things and I really just want to scream if another person complains about the roads being closed because of 1/4 inch of snow. Selfish, maybe. But my husband shoveled 6 inches of snow off our driveway at 3pm so that he could park in the driveway. Then this morning when he left for work it took him 20 MINUTES to get unstuck and actually be able to get out of our driveway. I'd love to take my children outside and let them frolick in the white fluffy grossness, but with the temperatures in the single digits and below, my kids will have no fluffy gross pictures. I'd LOVE to be able to set Callen down in the snow and watch him crawl around and shoot awesome pictures, but I'm 100% positive that if I set the child down, he'd DISAPPEAR! There is no such thing as snow angels here, because if you actually decide to lay down outside, you'll fall to the bottom of a freezing pile that will start to cave in on top of you.

So please, enjoy the days with your husband & children. Enjoy the fact that you do not have to dress in 12 layers of clothing, then dress your children in 12 layers of clothing, then actually go out and then into a store, then out of a store, all while waddling the waddle of a pregnant woman. Enjoy the fact that your forecast says that the high today is 41. Enjoy the fact that by Thursday you'll be living without snow. Because my snow? Oh yeah, it's here for a while. So please, get on with your life. Make a glass of hot cocoa and enjoy that fact that winter in your southern climate doesn't last past Feb.

I'm better now.

Is this thing on?

2011-01-10T10:31:00.001-08:00

alternate title: Come out come out where ever you are :-)

I'm just wondering who actually reads this thing. So we'll call this "Lurkers announce yourself" day/week/until I post again.

So tell me about yourself. I have 29 followers according to blogspot, so who are you? Are you a mom? Do I know you in real life? I'd love to get to know my readers some, so introduce yourself!

baby stepping toward goals. week 1

2011-01-08T18:18:00.000-08:00

One of my goals this year is to figure out my style. Of everything. I feel like I just don't know who I am.. I know what I believe in, so it's not a "struggle to find myself" in some kind of spiritual way. It's completely materialistic. All of it. LOL. But what is my photography style? In my learning, I've kind of just tried over and over to recreate images that I've seen previously. Which is good for learning, at least I THINK so... I think it helps, because you slowly figure out how things are done. But the downside is WHO AM I as a photographer? What style is ME?

I signed up to participate in Sandi Bradshaw's Project 52. One of my 2011 goals was to do a 52 week project, so voila, this opportunity presented itself and bam here I am :-) This week, it's self portraits. So here I am, in all of my glory.

This was my 3rd or 4th or maybe even 5th attempt. I don't have a remote, so it's either use a self timer, hold the camera out as far as I can, or use a mirror. We all know I'm not afraid of reflective surfaces (um, my April 2009 cruise anyone? ) But it just wasn't working out the way I wanted. I wanted something DIFFERENT, something new. That's part of the challenge right? Here are 2 of my mirror attempts

Yeah, that first one is how I felt. It's STILL how I feel about self portraits. LOL. So after several {failed} attempts at a good focused, mirror self portrait. After many an attempt with the timer, I thought that MAYBE just maybe I could get a good silhouette if I used our large upstairs windows. So I set my camera on the back of the couch, set the timer and moved. I got this. At first, I was going to trash it, then it started to grow on me. Then I got it onto the computer, did some tweaks (dodging the American flag wickedly waving on the front porch... added some layers of color overlay) and I actually like it. It's not something I've EVER done before. And it's out of my comfort zone. It still grabs at my emotions, I love the shape of a pregnant woman (I don't like BEING the shape of a pregnant woman, but that's another story for another day), and without being so detailed and perfect, this image brings me in. And in a weird way, I've decided that I don't CARE if anyone else likes it. It's my version of art, it's my version of myself, and for that I love it.

Now onto more handsome things. The loverboy had to get glasses.

and I like them. A lot. I mean, he's handsome without them, but dang, I just REALLY like them.

So there. that's me. that's him. that's us.

wordless wednesday.

2011-01-05T15:35:00.000-08:00

11 Goals in 2011

2011-01-03T06:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not one for resolutions. They fail. Always. But giving myself potential goals to reach, sounds like a good idea, we all have goals that we want to achieve and what better time than the beginning of the year to set them! So here are my goals.

1. Spend less time on Facebook/online in general & get out and MEET real people. Facebook is amazing, I'm not going to lie. I love being able to see what my friends are doing, and I love being able to sign on and feel so close to all of my friends & family in Texas, North Carolina, Minnesota, and all of my military friends who span the face of the globe. But at some point, I've got to stop "reconnecting" with people and actually MEET real people who live in my area. I'm here for 12 more months and I'm going to make them the best 12 months EVER. I'm not giving up FB completely, and I'm still going to blog and spend time online, just not as MUCH time :P Let's not talk crazy or anything.

2. Knit a pair of socks. That's pretty self explanatory. I generally knit with size 7 needles, and worsted weight yarns. I want to get a beautiful sock yarn (which is super thin compared to worsted) and tiny size 1 or 2 needles and make a pair of socks!

3. Enjoy every stinkin' moment with my children. I want to play more games and paint more pictures and run around until we're so tired that we collapse into a fit of giggles.

4. Spend more time in my Bible, get lost in the words of an amazing God.

5. Do a 52 weeks photography project. I'm not quite brave enough to delve into a 365 project. Let's face it, that's a lot of work! And I have a 2.5 year old, a 9 month old and I'm 31 weeks pregnant. In just 8 short weeks, I'll have a 35 month old, an 11.5 month old, and a NEWBORN. Daily, just ain't gonna work. BUT 1 "perfect" picture every 7 days? THAT my friends sounds doable.

6. Stick to the grocery budget and save as much money per trip as I possibly can. (I started yesterday, I stayed $47 UNDER budget. and I didn't use coupons! Can you imagine if I had tried a tad harder?!?!?!)

7. Learn to sew (prettty self explanatory.) I have the machine...now I just need to know HOW.

8. Host an all out dinner party, you know 1950s style with a huge platter of whatever and fun mixed drinks. Like some kind of scene from a movie!

9. Embrace it. All of it. Not every day is as terrible as I try to make it out to be. Recruiting duty sucks, but oh well... I'm here, might as well EMBRACE IT!!!

10. Develop my personal style. In clothes, in photography, in mothering, in being a wife. I have so many people that I look up to, and looking up to people is GREAT, and an inspiration, but I want to find ME. Since 2007, I've been in maternity clothes constantly, with the exception of a 15 month period of time where I lived in jeans and a t-shirt and still wore clothes I wore in high school. On March 11th, I'll be 25 years old. High school clothes just ain't gonna cut it! I've already told everyone (well, Matt, my mom and my mother in law, the people who buy me gifts for my birthday still) that I want money and gift cards this year for all major holidays where gifts are given. I want to figure out what the heck style kind of person I am! (I think I'm going to be pretty all over the place.. I like vintage, I like trendy, I like jeans and t-shirts, I love dresses and pretty shoes.. I'm pretty much going to be all over the place, I'm sure!)

11. Love. Just love. I want to LOVE life, I want to LOVE my husband more today than I did yesterday and more tomorrow than I did today. I want to embrace the stinkin', stupid snow and LOVE it. I want to LOVE my mini-van, I want to be a loving person who LOVES life and shows people what love REALLY is.

And that's it. Just circle the globe a few times by flapping my arms ;-P